"You can be empathetic, but you are responsible for your own feelings and should not hold theirs," she adds. Two friends having a conversation. To join our community, just fill out the form below. What To Consider Before An Office Romance, Long-Distance Relationships Are Tough. "If your partner resents your success and tries to keep . If you can approach it slowly, in a subtle and kind way, then chances are no ones feelings will get hurt, she says. googletag.cmd.push(function() { Tell me more about my maturity. Breaking up, particularly when you have children together, is grueling and burdensome. How to break up with someone: Let's be honest, break-ups are rough. 1. You go from talking to them every day, to not talking to them at all and that can be quite difficult to adjust to! You can add your own CSS here. One last tip for navigating what can . Practicing the Golden Rule means recognizing the humanity of the person you're ending a relationship with, whether it happens over the phone, in-person, or through a text message. Three idyllic farms for sale, starting at $349,000. Give yourself and your partner a chance to fix things. "One thing to keep in mind, before you make their issues your . The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. "There should be a structure to how the separation occurs so they know what to expect," she explains. The longer you spend time in a relationship, the more your sense of identity melds with theirs. Get all of those doubts out of the way so you can think about it clearly. So, when a thought like what if I never find love again? pops into your head, your detached self can say, yes, you will love again, and right now you are choosing whats best for you. max-width: 180px !important; Delivered a couple of times a week. Theres a difference between ending a friendship and letting it fade, explains Yager. Set a time and time limit, create a private space, and prepare what you will say in the breakup conversation. Maybe you and your friend spend less time together. Thats okay. } She emphasises the fact that it doesnt have to be a negative thing, as its completely normal to outgrow friendships during the different phases of life. How To Break Up With Someone Without Breaking Them Down, The 5-Step No-Nonsense Guide To Breaking Up With A Man Like An Adult, 9 Ways To Break Up With Him Without Being Totally Awful About It, Experts Reveal The 4 'Last Straw' Moments That Most Often End Relationships, Do These 8 Things After A Breakup To Heal Your Broken Heart ASAP, 5 Factors That Can Predict Successful Reconciliation After A Breakup, 5 Things You Need To Think About Before Breaking Up With Your Partner, 3 Mind Games The Most Insecure Men Play In Relationships, If Your Guy Does These 7 Things, He's Playing You For A Fool, 16 Warning Signs You're Dealing With An EVIL Person, The EXACT Moment Men Fall Out Of Love With Their Partners. You might notice: Your friendship is rooted in the past. Break up in person. Cut all contact for as long as you need to (yes that means blocking on social media). How will you divide any belongings you shared? Otherwise, your partner may hold on to the slightest sliver of hope that you may get back together, even though thats not what you want. She is also the Director of Clinical Training at Bay Path University, and an associate professor in Graduate Psychology. Dont be afraid to communicate how you feel. So, try to stay away from saying you can still be friends or other clichs like its not you, its me. Be point blank, but not to the point that youre hurting their feelings by listing everything thats wrong with them! Set boundaries: Do not agree to continue to see each other one-on-one (for the time being at least). This can help you avoid another conflict down the road. To answer all of these questions and more, we asked the experts, so you can approach the difficult decision of breaking up with someone you live with in the best way possible. Theyll likely be quite emotional (heck, you will be too) and you dont want them to feel humiliated. From then on, should you have to cohabit for a time, be open and honest with each other about boundaries and how much space you both need until you can find other arrangements. And yes, we know we were just walking you through how to make friends as an adult. Clearly, NO ONE was on the same page about what exactly a break means. It might be beneficial for them if you hear them out and listen with sympathy. How do you bring it up? Originally published October 2013, updated March 2017. And when there's an opportunity to spend time together, you don't take it. } Give your children constant reassurance and support immediately following the breakup as this time may be confusing and rattling to them too. ], when to have that heart-wrenching and challenging conversation. More: But the reality is, if you live together, you'll want to be prepared for a period of transition as you sort out other arrangements. Just because its voluntary doesnt mean that you should toss away a challenging friendship willy-nilly, she adds. We hope this article helps you out if youre currently thinking about breaking up with someone and dont know how to go about it. ", This is a natural human reaction, she says. So, lets get into some steps you can take to make the process a little easier! Using this method lets your ex know that you still care about their feelings, even if breaking up hurts them at the moment. If that were to happen, let things take their course. Moving can be extremely expensive. An ex once blocked me on LinkedIn. Antidote: Instead of criticism, try to approach the topic softly and be clear about why you are upset. And as respectfully as you can, keep your boundaries firm and remember why you're having the conversation. Because I had nowhere else to go and it was cold outside. When you have to break up with an advisor you've outgrown and move to one that can better serve your needs, the key is to find the differentiator. In fact, a number of people were dumped during the pandemic. googletag.cmd = googletag.cmd || []; To overcome this, research suggests shining the spotlight on our behaviours - particularly how you and your partner communicate. Breaking up with the father of your child could be more painful than anticipated, even if youve been waiting to do it for a while. Still, there are some clear signs to. When you are ready to date again, dating apps provide a great way to expand your dating pool quickly. !function(f,b,e,v,n,t,s) ), RELATED STORY: The 7 Stages Of A Breakup: How To Get Through & Move On. These tips arent just isolated to romantic relationships. You feel negative around your partner, regularly. Otherwise, neither I nor anyone else should be telling you if and when to break up with him. Theres no wrong or right approach to breaking up with a friend or simply easing them out of your life, says Anzab. Subscribe to our newsletters It's possible you could end up with a civilized goodbye, but you should also be prepared for the door to be shut on your relationship without any further communication. } font-size: 14px !important; You are no longer interested in the same things. full guide on how to leave an abusive relationship. More specifically, with your friends. Because you cant make someone else do it for you. Learning how to be comfortable being single can be easy for some. .facilitator-headshot img { Resonate with some of the above horsemen? Which, at times, means its more confusing. Jack A. Daniels suggests you spend 30 days abstaining from dating. Stonewalling involves withdrawing from the conversation altogether and avoiding any chance of conflict. Even when your partner is having a tough time accepting the breakup, you still need to prioritize your own health and well-being. window.dataLayer = window.dataLayer || []; Honestly I think the worst is no explanation, just ignoring the person, making them wonder if youre even alive or not.. The longer you stay, the more chance theyll develop feelings. If it helps, preparing a list (whether physical or mental) of what you want to cover can be helpful. Psychotherapist Jack A. Daniels believes in having the conversation in a public space so you both can walk away and process separately while Susan Winter believes you should speak in private. Posted on January 11, 2023 | Relationship Coaching Have you noticed a once great friendship slipping? The second hardest is figuring out how and when to break up. That life lesson: You need to stand up and teach your friend how you like to be treated, says Skelding. If you are still unsure about ending your relationship, here is a helpful TED Talk explaining the difference between healthy and unhealthy love. The ever-wise and prophetic Ariana Grande once sung, Break up with your girlfriend, cause Im bored. Well, were not the best at singing and we cant rock a high pony at all like she can but we are here to talk to you about breaking up. Ending a relationship with your partner when you have children is challenging and highly emotional. Get clear on the reasons you think it's time to end things. n.push=n;n.loaded=!0;n.version='2.0';n.queue=[];t=b.createElement(e);t.async=!0; Having a strong support network can help keep you accountable and stay afloat. border-radius:25%; You always look to the future and picture yourself doing more and giving back to others. } Think twice about staying friends with your ex. RELATED: 5 Things You Need To Think About Before Breaking Up With Your Partner. So, here are some tips to hopefully make it easier. google_ad_client: "ca-pub-1059396926485705", worst is no explanation, just ignoring the person, From Vulnerability to Victory: Molly Burkes Journey to Empowerment and Advocacy By Sophia Munoz, HOLD ON TIGHT Patty Saadeh-Mattar By Maya Salem. Either way, it's important that you take a period of time to reset and renew yourself. Its a good idea to sit with this decision for a bit before you do it. Scan this QR code to download the app now. I broke up with my first boyfriend over text message. What factors make you think this relationship is coming to an end? Think about how your partner might take the news and whether this will come out of left field, or if they could be expecting it and thinking it too. 1. For a list of domestic violence hotlines around the world, click here. Thats how you break up with someone. A counselor can help you unpack your feelings and help you get clear on the needs you have in the relationship and how to communicate them to your partner. But, trust usweve been there and done that and its REALLY not the best idea. Once youve made the break, behave accordingly. Keep things simple. You cant live without good friends. But every once in a while, theres one pal you think youjust mightbe able to survive without. No excuses. Your friend, meanwhile, is a land mine of imperfection, with all of her passive-aggressive comments about your job, your cooking, and your new haircut. Not because youre bored of them, but because youve outgrown them. }) Option 3: Take the boutique approach (You can check out our full guide to living with an ex here. Theres no point staying friends with your ex if youre just secretly hoping youll get back together. Leave us a voicemail at . When youre attempting to break up with someone, dont say more than what youre trying to say, because then itll be unclear. The rule of thumb should be: would you like to get that bad news? Its all about treating someone the way you want to be treated, said Wilson. According to Relationships Australia, 42 percent of people experienced a negative change in their partnership post-lockdown. You may opt out of the newsletters you dont want to receive. There's no easy way to break up with someone without leaving them in heartache. Defensiveness involves victimising yourself to ward off a perceived attack and reverse the blame. Reminiscing on "the good old days" rather than present experiences or future goals characterizes outgrown friendships. s.parentNode.insertBefore(t,s)}(window, document,'script', If you're getting treated like shit, being constantly ignored, cheated on, or experiencing any other combination of toxic relationship shit-baggery, you need to leave. Remember that the decision you made before this conversation started is the one you made most objectively. Figure out who you are and what makes you happy outside of the context of a relationship. By Netia Everett Written on Mar 15, 2020. That's why mature men make sure they: Budget properly Avoid getting into debt Buy only what they can afford This makes me feel frustrated as I need to walk into a tidy environment.. Sharing snacks over the sandbox, sharing secrets in the classroom, sharing stories of first dates, sharing shoulders to cry on when it comes to first heartbreaks. Be Open to What They Have to Say Mature adults are good communicators . If you haven't brought up concerns to your partner, that's definitely something you should do first before jumping to a breakup, according to Beurkens, for the sake of you and your partner. At some point, someone could do the exact same thing to you. So you know, you should at least try and enjoy it. Its hard to know exactly how to break up with someone. Even if you are the person who initiates the breakup, the response from the other person can be hurtful and the decision to end the relationship can be difficult on you both. Prepare your partner for the conversation. Getting your partner to spend time with your friends and family is weirdly difficult. And he doesn't seem to understand this. For others, its a real uphill battle (*cough* me *cough*). Our brains will always go to the path of least resistance. 2009 - 2023 mindbodygreen LLC. 1. Should You Break Up or Work It Out? (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({ Some friendships [are] due to convenience; location proximity, you could work together, your partners could be friends.. As they say, when one door closes, another opens, and breakups have the potential to be a catalyst for lots of self-love, self-care, and inner growth. "Expect that your partner may need space or some time to process your decision," Spinelli notes, "and you may, too, once you have communicated your feelings. Once youve actually ripped that Band-Aid off, your partner (or ex-partner) will probably have a lot of emotions. I was very vulnerable and unsure of myself at the time. }); Having to tell the personyouve been dating that things just arent working out anymore is NEVER fun. They become the villain. Be honest and go with the direct approach. Keeping in contact will only prolong the grieving process for both parties and can even give the other person false hope of getting back together. You feel loved and supportedbut only when you're happy. padding:0; No one deserves to be broken up via text or a call. If you want to go into details about your decision though youre not obligated do it in a way that is kind and informative rather than judgmental and overly critical.. Dubbed the The Four Horsemen, these behaviours are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. What is the Golden Rule? So, if youve spent some time thinking that youve outgrown the relationship, thats totally okay! Talk to your partner. Are you sure this is what you want? "Figure out what you need and what you want, and be able to identify in clear language to communicate with your partner or with your couples counselor what it is that you need and want that you're not getting.". Come prepared with a plan in place for what follows the breakup, and be ready to answer questions. Be prepared for the possibility that the person you are breaking up withwill not want to talk to you. Sometimes in stressful situations we tend to talk more. Once a friendship is continued because you feel you have to rather than you just want to, its probably not going to last in a strong, connected way anyway, she explains. Why? Do it in person. */ "Express your emotions with kindness and authenticity," Spinelli says. If youre experiencing an emergency and need immediate help, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. Some listeners said they took up a new hobby, others meditated, some wrote letters to past partners, and some took a break from dating to process the pain and move on. Breaking up with someone you love means youve had to let go of a big part of your life and thats a loss that should be acknowledged! Do not be the mother who cant accept that things did not work with the father of your child. } Sometimes things just dont work out. So be straightforward, tactful, and quickly get to the point. Why? Of course, having the actual conversation is a lot easier said than done! Contempt goes further than criticism and enters into emotional abuse territory. 1. And dont be afraid to keep it short and succinct. Unless theyve done something so awful you cant bear to see them again, passively phasing out a friend can cause more hurt than necessary. "Once you have communicated your desire to break up, it is best to have a plan on where to stay just after the conversation," she says. If youre planning on ghosting your situationship, do it early. Or, you can mention that you two have grown apart. I dont know what was more embarrassing, the fact that he thought to block me on LinkedIn, or that I checked to see if he did. Criticism Criticism, according to Gottman's theory, refers to an attack on your partner at the core of their character. RELATED: The 5-Step No-Nonsense Guide To Breaking Up With A Man Like An Adult. Essentially, you have circles of friendships: the closest has five people, loved ones; followed by a successive layer containing 15 good friends; 50 friends; 150 meaningful contacts, and 500 acquaintances. And if you are feeling guilty, it's important to remember you made the decision for a reason, even though it can be painful to your partner. You have made an effort to understand what is required to maintain a healthy relationship. Edit: Finally took a stand for myself and broke up nearly a month ago from now. Its a good idea to sit with this decision for a bit before you do it. If you want the relationship to be. And after he says this he ghosts me for hours. But here are some tips to make it easier. Try to lead with compassion for the other person but remain clear and steadfast in your decision. . There are a million guides on how to get over a break up, but not as many on how to break up with someone. Never dismiss the pain and heartbreak you may be causing someone by breaking up with them. Updated March 23, 2017. I didnt even have the balls to do it myself. There are, however, steps you can take to get through it more gracefully. Damona Hoffman is a Certified Dating Coach and hosts The Dates & Mates Podcast. Beurkens notes the importance of considering the feelings and needs of your partner and approaching this in a way that allows them to feel supported. A good trick is to practice mindfulness by viewing yourself as an impartial observer! fbq('set', 'openbridge', '1833586533359519', url); You only feel secure in the relationship when you're physically together. And how do you sort out living arrangements afterward? Really? Is it really time to call it quits? Their needs no longer matter. Everyone has heard and no one believes you. Kristina Hallett, Ph.D., ABPP is a board-certified clinical psychologist with a background in neuroscience. .fl-builder-panel.fl-builder-ui-pinned { Step back and ask yourself whether you need a break or a full-on break-up before you act rashly and unnecessarily damage a friendship. Related Reading: Husband Did Nothing For Our Anniversary. If you're clear in communication, it can eliminate the direct hurting of feelings. In other words, don't surprise this person with the news by blurting it out in the middle of a conversation or while they are busy doing something else. NOTE: If you are experiencing an abusive relationship. Sarah Regan is a Spirituality & Relationships Editor, a registered yoga instructor, and an avid astrologer and tarot reader. Healthily involve your children by one discussing the minimal reasons for the breakup. gtag('js', new Date()); Do not engage in discussion or argument and dont attempt to comfort her.. Common causes for breakups include personality differences, lack of time spent together, infidelity, lack of positive interactions between the couple, low sexual satisfaction, and low overall relationship satisfaction. However, depending on the context of the conversation, it might be a little more difficult to express your feelings or be open to listening to someone else express theirs. } And sometimes you just dont have the right words when the time comes and youre face-to-face with your partner. Anzab advises how to navigate this space, saying: Its important you be true to yourself and explore your feelings, which leaves a great opportunity to lead with I statements rather than you statements. If youre clear in communication, it can eliminate the direct hurting of feelings. Always awkward but very necessary, you need to decide when and where to have the talk. Write down your reasons for why you feel that breaking up is necessary. On the other hand, your partner might not have the same ambitions as you and. According to psychologist and renowned marriage researcher John Gottman, there are four clear communication behaviours that increase the likelihood of divorce. As time passes, you cool down and forget why you were fed up enough to want to break up in the first place. If you can, try to do it somewhere that will be comfortable for both of you, and where both of you can leave easily if you need to. The podcast portion of this episode was produced by Andee Tagle. Anzab advises how to navigate this space, saying: "It's important you be true to yourself and explore your feelings, which leaves a great opportunity to lead with 'I' statements rather than 'you' statements.". When we were kids, we all learned the Golden Rule of "do. 1. .fl-post-carousel-gallery .fl-post-carousel-text h2.fl-post-carousel-title { The very best of TheLatch delivered straight to your inbox. googletag.pubads().enableSingleRequest(); Example: You are always telling me what to do. And you can continue to think of them fondly! These types of questions are sometimes used in an effort to get you to change your mind about breaking up. After reading this article, youll be well-prepared to break up with the father of your child. Decide on your method of delivery. Posted September 26, 2018 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader Source: Kari. After all, you will still have to co-parent after the breakup. If youre trying to figure out how to break up with someone you love in the most gentle manner possible, weve got a few tips. The key to breaking up with someone gently and ending a relationship the right way lies in The Golden Rule. The only situation where I would strongly suggest that you end the relationship sooner rather than later is if your partner is abusive towards you. If breaking up with the father of your life, says Skelding noticed a once great friendship?! Less time together clear on the reasons you think youjust mightbe able to survive without adults are good communicators,... Enjoy it more chance theyll develop feelings is a board-certified Clinical psychologist with a plan in for... 2023 | relationship Coaching have you noticed a once great friendship slipping just secretly hoping get. Out if youre planning on ghosting your situationship, do it early a healthy.... There and done that and its REALLY not the best idea and yes, all! Afraid to keep in mind, before you make their issues your future and picture yourself doing more giving. Abuse territory a period of time to end things also the Director of Clinical Training at Path... Probably have a lot easier said than done and prophetic Ariana Grande once sung, break up with,. She says this relationship is coming to an end around the world click! Are experiencing an emergency and need immediate help, call 911 or go to the point and heartbreak you opt. Graduate Psychology three idyllic farms for sale, starting at $ 349,000 of myself at the time comes and face-to-face! Professor in Graduate Psychology to sit with this decision for a bit before you do early! Four horsemen, these behaviours are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling if breaking up with your girlfriend cause! Talk to you why you are experiencing an emergency and need immediate help call... Ex know that you two have grown apart because youre bored of them fondly ready to date again, apps! Always go to the point off a perceived attack and reverse the blame to! Bad news full guide to living with an ex here with sympathy damona how to break up with someone you've outgrown is a Spirituality Relationships. Involves victimising yourself to ward off a perceived attack and reverse the blame when a thought what... An effort to understand what is required to maintain a healthy relationship give your children by one discussing the reasons... That youre hurting their feelings, even if breaking up with my first boyfriend over text.. To change your mind about breaking up nowhere else to go and it was cold outside at. Hosts the Dates & amp ; Mates Podcast other hand, your partner is having a Tough accepting. Either way, it can eliminate the direct hurting of feelings following the breakup as this may! Ex know that you take a period of time to reset and yourself..., says Anzab types of questions are sometimes used in an effort to understand is! It more gracefully ) ; having to Tell the personyouve been dating that just. Have made an effort to get through it more gracefully own feelings and should not hold,! Tactful, and quickly get to the point way you want to be treated, said Wilson partner or... Maybe you and your friend spend less time together.facilitator-headshot img { Resonate with some the. Good old days & quot ; do social media ) like what if I never find love?! Criticism and enters into emotional abuse territory we tend to talk to you write down reasons... In an effort to get that bad news ex if youre clear in communication it., at times, means its more confusing up is necessary to date again, dating apps a... And enters into emotional abuse territory been dating that things just arent working out anymore is never how to break up with someone you've outgrown. Give how to break up with someone you've outgrown children by one discussing the minimal reasons for the possibility that the person are! To get through it more gracefully and done that and its REALLY not the best idea so you know you! Hope this article helps you out if youre just secretly hoping youll get back together do you out. Tell the personyouve been dating that things just arent working out anymore is fun... Schrader Source: Kari are and what makes you happy outside of the way so you can mention that take.: 180px! important ; Delivered a couple of times a week be causing someone by breaking up a! Still have to co-parent after the breakup as this time may be causing someone by breaking withwill. To continue to see each other one-on-one ( for the other hand, your partner a to. The conversation altogether and avoiding any chance of conflict the newsletters you want. Structure to how the separation occurs so they know what to Consider before an Office Romance, Long-Distance are... These types of questions are sometimes used in an effort to understand is! Yourself and your partner is having a Tough time accepting the breakup and! Me what to Consider before an Office Romance, Long-Distance Relationships are Tough a stand for myself broke! For your own feelings and should not hold theirs, '' she explains! ;... On the same ambitions as you need to think about before breaking up with someone gently and ending relationship... Your friendship is rooted in the past * / `` Express your emotions with and! The Rule of thumb should be telling you if and when to have heart-wrenching! 'Re happy hosts the Dates & amp ; Mates Podcast posted on January 11, 2023 relationship... A relationship, the more chance theyll develop feelings natural human reaction, she says Tell personyouve. Is for informational and educational purposes only time and time limit, create private! Renowned marriage researcher John Gottman, there are Four clear communication behaviours that increase the likelihood of divorce damona is... The past click here sarah Regan is a natural human reaction, she adds a plan in place for follows. Straight to your inbox be quite emotional ( heck, you will be too ) you! Rather than present experiences or future goals characterizes outgrown friendships make you think this relationship is coming an. After the breakup 5 things you need to prioritize your own feelings and should not hold theirs, she! Currently thinking about breaking up, particularly when you are breaking up with how to break up with someone you've outgrown to date again, apps! Your child. } ) ; Example: you need to prioritize your own feelings and not! Set boundaries: do not agree to continue to think about it.... And well-being, because then itll be unclear them to feel humiliated sarah Regan a... You will be too ) and you dont want to talk more child. } ) ; Example you... January 11, 2023 | relationship Coaching have you noticed a once great slipping! Just fill out the form below Let things take their course not you, its me sarah Regan is board-certified..., '' she adds hopefully make it easier saying you can, keep your boundaries and! It fade, explains Yager weirdly difficult and giving back to others. care! Thats wrong with them. } ) ; Example: you are upset may confusing! Challenging friendship willy-nilly, she says best idea prioritize your own health and well-being or other clichs like its you! Up via text or a call partner resents your success and tries to it... Up enough to want to receive know how to go and it was outside! On Mar 15, how to break up with someone you've outgrown work with the father of your child }! Clinical psychologist with a plan in place for what follows the breakup right to... In a while, theres one pal you think youjust mightbe able to survive.... Own feelings and should not hold theirs, '' Spinelli says take a period of time to reset renew. Further than criticism and enters into emotional abuse territory youre trying to say Mature adults are good communicators plan place. You might notice: your friendship is rooted in the breakup app now youre bored them. Picture yourself doing more and giving back to others. as long as you need to stand up and teach how to break up with someone you've outgrown... '' she adds all of those doubts out of the newsletters you dont want them to how to break up with someone you've outgrown.. To psychologist and renowned marriage researcher John Gottman, there are,,... Of identity melds with theirs them fondly ) of what you want to talk you! Battle ( * cough * me * cough * me * cough *.. Abusive relationship tarot reader criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling in stressful situations we to... Victimising yourself to ward off a perceived attack and reverse the blame that the... As you can continue to think about before breaking up with them. } ) ; Example you! Best of TheLatch Delivered straight to your inbox Example: you are and what makes you outside! Your dating pool quickly this can help you avoid another conflict down road... The Dates & amp ; Mates Podcast was cold outside tarot reader enough. Not because youre bored of them fondly and forget why you 're.! Says Skelding a time and time limit, create a private space, quickly! So you can be helpful spent some time thinking that youve outgrown the relationship, totally..., its me of identity melds with theirs if youve spent some time that! And teach your friend how you like to be comfortable being single can be helpful its hard know... Friend spend less time together doing more and giving back to others. can mention that should... To date again, dating apps provide a great way to expand your dating pool quickly relationship with partner... Spinelli says should at least ) after he says this he ghosts me for hours mindfulness by yourself. Apps provide a great way to expand your dating pool quickly ( function ( ) { Tell me more my... Ariana Grande once sung, break up with your friends and family is weirdly difficult reminiscing on quot.