1. Users are masters at manipulating others into a position where you feel you cant deny them. One research text shows that of 73 adults studied, 45.2% reported infidelity-related PTSD symptoms after being cheated on. Research published by Harvard University found that being curious about your partner is what keeps the fire alive in a relationship. Let your big man know what he means to you. What signs indicate that a guy is using me for money? Theyll be unable to retain the information you share about your difficult boss or your ailing parents because it means nothing to them. This is classic user behavior. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Respect your own achievements if your husband doesn'tcelebrate your accomplishments and give yourself credit for the hard work you've done. But your husband either refuses to or doesnt want to stick to a budget. But what happens when the flaws you are overlooking are the signs hes using you? 1. If your relationship feels one-sided, remind yourself that friendships and loving partnerships, are two-way streets, full of give and take and mutual support. They suddenly change their appearance. Look closely, and all that the expensive stuff at your place will scream that you have a financially irresponsible spouse who has been living beyond his means. It is a huge blinding red flag in marriage if you do not have access to your accounts. This is especially true if they're trying to keep their drug abuse hidden. What attracts a married man to another woman? Seek professional help for your husband if you intend to fix the situation. I Decided To Leave An Abusive Relationship With No Money, Emotional Abuse 9 Signs And 5 Coping Tips. 3. Can We Compare Well-Being Across Species? Listen to them before it . Get your dose of relationship advice from Bonobology right in your inbox. Infidelity hurts. But if you find your account balance depleting at a lightning pace month after month, especially when you do not know where the money is going, it is a glaring red flag. If you are not looking for something casual, get out of the relationship as soon as possible. Someone who cares about you is going to engage you in conversation. Lets take a look at some examples of typical user behavior to give you the tools to analyze your own relationship for signs that you are being used. 5. Hes always busy, you dont really go on any real dates together, and he gets upset if you ask for anything. Some of these warning signs that a guy is just using you might be right in front of you. But, as days pass, you never really get to know about his plans or his friends or his life. , take it as a red flag that you are being used in a relationship. Read less. It could be that they burden you with all their c**p and expect your support and advice 24/7, yet when youre having a hard time, theyre nowhere to be seen or show no real interest in your problems. Since a user is ultimately only interested in taking care of number one, the details of the ins and outs of your family life, your friends, and your day-to-day existence will go straight over their head. They see themselves as the center of the known universe, around which everything else rotates. A lot of over-priced stuff in the house, 5. If you are putting in more money than him and yet the financial plan is not being followed, something is amiss. Not all relationships are constructive, and it is always better to realize that you are not his priority and he is just using you. Signs that you are the other woman include: If you suspect he has another girlfriend, take it as a red flag that you are being used in a relationship. Common signs of infidelity that you might want to look for include: 1. Ellie discovers he is also talking to Liz. If you cant shake the feeling that something is off in your relationship, it may be time to investigate whats really going on. 3. Whether he comes over and he just wants sex, or hes constantly dropping hints about how broke he is, take it as a warning. If he doesnt tell you he loves you or express it in his deeds, it is a clear sign of a dysfunctional relationship. If youve been together for a while a year or more and your partner is still talking about taking it easy and just having fun then theyre probably not ever going to be ready to commit to you at least, not any time soon. Follow us at: This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. There wont be any dates, romantic surprises, or sweet nothings whispered in your ear. On the other hand, a guy who is using you isnt going to bother spending money on you. To get the answer, take a look at how well you know each other. NBC. Being scared of commitment or not wanting something serious is normal, but refusing to discuss it definitely means that he has an ulterior motive and is just leading you on. The most notable sign is borrowing money often and never returning it or returning it after months. If not, where did the money for any of it come from? This type, though, is in some ways the opposite of a fair-weather friend. If you see warning signs from the list above, odds are YES; he is using you. Ostracism is a common experience, but one that may have surprising causes. Physical Signs of Cocaine Use. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". One tip on how to test a guy to see if he really loves you is to take note of what hes willing to do for you. Thats exactly what were here to help you with. If you never feel secure in your relationship, and he always justifies his actions, you may have to reconsider your priorities and take a call on whether you want to be with such a person. While it is only fair to give your partner the benefit of the doubt here, you should still consider your compatibility. Users are adept at painting themselves as being super-helpful. You havent met any of his inner circle, and he doesnt post about you on social media, not even simple stories of coffee dates! Supporting someone through a rough patch in their life takes time, energy, understanding, and compassion. 1. They perpetually choose to put someone or something else ahead of you. It doesnt even matter if youre actually opposed to their choice, theyll find a way to make it happen. You want to give him the benefit of the doubt and suppose that he's just shy. He might also have borrowed money from friends and hasnt been able to pay them back. Being used by a guy is something that no woman should experience. Your Bottle Of Visine Is Running Low. If on top of your spending being contained by a weekly limit, you also have a problem with your collective expenditure exceeding your earnings, then you seriously need to take the matter into your hands. If you have a gut feeling that your partner isnt giving you all of their attention. Emotional manipulation in matters of finance is one of the very subtle signs he is taking advantage of you financially that can go unnoticed if not watched out for. https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2018/02/scientists-find-a-few-surprises-in-their-study-of-love/, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31199042/, https://www.amazon.com/Self-Love-Self-Love-Confidence-Relationships-ebook/dp/B01JRPR9VG, Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. But its worth watching out for alongside the other points on this list. Dont let someone use you. Feel cheated enough yet? Related Reading: How To Be Financially Independent As A Married Woman. There is a communication gap as he never expresses his strong feelings. You can start with some simple questions about the numbers not adding up. 22. Spending money on another woman might be the first thought that pops up in your head but financial abuse can also stem from unhealthy habits such as online gambling, excessive spending on oneself, or worst of all, financial infidelity. Relationships arent always cut and dry. 6. Unlike last-minute Netflix-and-chill texts, planning ahead shows hes making you a priority.. Fun-filled ideas to spice up your birthday and create treasured memories. And one of the first indicators that your spouse is bad with money. PostedJune 29, 2020 Read on to know if you have been observing any of these signs in your relationship, and take appropriate action to save yourself from the distress. No matter whether its something big or small that you have helped them with, they neglect to show any gratitude whatsoever. Several days later, the neighbor asks Karrie to help during an emergency, and Karrie agrees. 2 They are seen as acts of betrayal and can lead to a loss of trust. Ron is supposed to meet Karen for a spontaneous dinner but worries he does not look good enough. Karen makes negative comments about his style of dress, so he is filled with anxiety about his appearance. Her partner did not complete college and often makes intensely devaluing comments about higher education. If your Netflix-and-chill sessions seem like booty call sessions, and your every encounter turns into something sexual, do not hesitate to set boundaries. If so, you are in a one-sided relationship. Giving silent treatment to the partner is a form of manipulation and using them, which is a red flag that should not be ignored. Every fight turns into a blame game. Boundaries are key to a healthy and balanced relationship. He and a team of expert writers produce authentic, honest, and accessible advice on relationships, mental health, and life in general. She talks about her heroic deed rescuing a cat a few years ago. MomJunction provides content for informational purposes only. 11 Signs Your Husband Uses You Financially, 3. Its most likely a combination of some of the above user behaviors which have triggered your gut reaction. The signals to be wary of differ between friendships or relationships with housemates as opposed to romantic partnerships, although some apply to both. They might have other people theyre seeing; this is a huge warning sign that youre being used. You know it cannot be money trouble because you earn enough to run a household. Close couples want to get to know each other, and that includes meeting close friends and family. The reluctance to compromise is one of the most evident warning signs youll ever get. There is nothing sweeter than a tight hug and unfeigned love of a niece. Related article: How To Deal With Resentment In A Relationship: 12 No Bullsh*t Tips. Theres something to be said for giving someone the benefit of the doubt. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. And its all about what they want, what they need, and what you (and others) can do for them. 2011 - 2023 MomJunction Private Limited. Amy refrains from disclosing her involvement in graduate school because she senses it may threaten her partner. To be able to see his problematic patterns clearly, find the time to go through your respective expenditures, assess their utility, and compare what was necessary and what was an impulsive waste. In various contexts, good listening fosters social connections and enhances well-being. This is disrespectful behavior that demonstrates their contempt for you and for the relationship you have together. The answers may shed light on the true intent of a dubious partner. Wearing their heart on their sleeve, they may feel flattered when a partner is interested. Click here for additional information. He talks to you about sports, the weather, and politics, but you catch yourself looking for something more meaningful and personal. So it shouldnt come as much surprise to learn that they will be willing to lie to you if that means achieving their goal. Why Some People Keep Pushing Their Partner's Buttons, 6 Conversation Habits That Lead to More Meaningful Connection, 10 Reasons Why Some People Cannot Let Go of an Ex, Four Truths When You Fall in Love the SecondTime, 6 Subtle Signs You're a High Achiever With Low Self-Worth, 10 Simple Things to Do Today to Empower Children, The Harsh Reality Men Face on Dating Apps, 3 Reasons Why Healthy Relationships Bore Some People, 3 Reasons Why Having Good Friends Uplifts Your Romantic Life, 3 Reasons Why Couples Can Embrace a Big Age Gap, Four Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships, Why People Leave Partners They Still Love. Is It Love or Is Your Partner Using You? If your significant other suddenly starts exercising and eating healthier, that could be a sign that . But a serial borrower is a different matter. These are signs that you are a victim of manipulation in a relationship. He's not even interested in showing or receiving affection. The biggest sign hes using you is if hes always asking for something. Or this anger could stem from his need for control in the relationship. Like the above behavior, users often break promises. Self-disclosure can promote bonding and intimacy in a relationship, but it is not without its share of risks. Perhaps you are the other woman, or his friends have no idea that you exist. I meanin sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth and all that, right? Updated: 4 Jul, 2022 In This Article Can a married man fall in love with another woman? Did you think you could afford the double-door smart fridge that is currently sitting in your kitchen? Also, a Caffeine headed individual whose day consists of bouts of contemplation about life and afterlife. , a man who is not interested in you will stop answering your calls and texts, remove you from social media, and avoid you in person without telling you why. Ellie opens up and shares her hurt about a close friend, Liz, who talks to her past partners behind her back. Know when enough is enough being alone is better than being with someone who manipulates and uses you. And if you continue to make your case, they may even blame things on you for being such a pushover. Deception is merely a tool to them, and because they dont really care about you or value your relationship, they arent concerned by the damage it might do to either. Besides that unsettling gut feeling, what are some of the other indications your partner might be losing interest? 3 Ways to Tell, 6 Things a Narcissistic Partner May Never Say. Identifying signs that he is using you can save you from a lot of trouble in the future. | These quotes reflect the same. Manage Settings He stops asking about your life. You may want to make him happy, but it is never enough. Dont downplay the severity of it all by believing that these are just anxious thoughts or the makings of your overthinking mind although hed like you to because these purchases may add up to serious financial debt. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site is not intended to provide, and does not constitute, medical, health, legal, financial or other professional advice. All Rights Reserved |, 22 Clear Signs Someone Is Using You: How To Tell For Sure, Speak to a certified and experienced relationship coach to help you figure out if you are being used (and what to do about it if you are). Is my boyfriend using me financially? A simple thank you is polite and courteous. You need to find out if your band is higher than neighbours in similar or identical properties - you can ask them or check on here. Sometimes, we enter into a relationship with someone who doesnt want the best for us, and wants us for what we can bring to the table. You deserve better; dont allow yourself to get hurt. Improved appearance. If your spouse's teeth are rotting, blackened, stained, or falling apart, this might be due to meth use. If you suspect your crush or boyfriend is a narcissist, do yourself a favor and run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. They say love conquers all, but sometimes money conquers love. Even if you live with this person, they will either try to avoid you or act like nothing is wrong. A one-sided relationship, where youre the only one who seems to be making plans, buying gifts, having ideas, or putting the effort in, is really not a relationship at all. It also demonstrates an appreciation for the other person and the thing they have done. Theyre just using you for their physical gain, and no one deserves that. Big, big, big red flag. Your husband becomes evasive or stops caring about future plans, whether planning vacations, holidays, home repairs all now irrelevant because they are out of there. Every relationship requires a balance. Its all about their jobs, their problems, their successes, their families. And since the user may not practice good oral hygiene habits, these effects are even worse. Or if you dont know who he hangs out with, or where he lives, or what his last name is, he can disappear like a phantom into the night, says Frank on Cosmopolitan. It's dispiriting, to say the least. Words of solace for direction and perspective when things start to crumble in a relationship. If he treats you like he treats everyone else, and you feel like a colleague or a roommate, and nothing changes when you express your valid reasons and concerns, you may be dealing with an apathetic partner. There are several reasons people start cyber affairs . If you suspect yes, tell him you are not his personal bank account. The telltale signs include telling you that you are not thin enough or encouraging you to go on diets and backbreaking workouts. Even if you are in a happy marriage, being aware of the signs of financial irresponsibility can help you stay on track and plan better. So, while you cannot judge where the anger is coming from, especially when he splurges on things he can live without, it is time to find some answers. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. This is especially crucial if you are the primary breadwinner of the house. Whats worse is that he never mentioned this crushing debt in his name. When a guy is into you, he wants to take you out on the town and show you off. 25 signs a married man is in love with another woman But if your husband uses it mostly to meet his expenses and rarely for joint purposes, its one of the signs of financial irresponsibility. Of course, this isnt the only reason someone might not want to discuss the future. He doesn't put in any effort Is he using me for sex or money? Continue with Recommended Cookies. He races back to the restaurant. When you think of an affair, the first thing that comes to mind is sexual intimacy with another person outside of the marriage. Debt is like termites. , do yourself a favor and run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. 1. They wont be the pillar of emotional support youre looking for. As much as you are crushing over your guy, if hes only sending you late-night booty calls, odds are he does not return your warm and fuzzy feelings. Does your husband show visible anger if you spend money to buy a new dress or a new pair of sneakers? Hes going to, send you cute messages and try to make you laugh, Hes a selfish lover who doesnt care about your pleasure. If they are in a lower band than you, then you may have a claim . There can be many signs to watch out for, and deep inside, you already have a gut feeling that the person you love may not feel the same way. Does he not understand you? These are signs that you are a victim of manipulation in a relationship. Another one of the big signs your husband doesn't value you is that he just doesn't communicate. Does Not Take Time To Get To Know You. Its a kind of weird power play, with them pulling the strings and you dancing to their tune. For more information see our. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Maybe this can be solved if you reach out to him with good communication and some guidance. A partner who is ultra-focused on superficial appearances and is hyper-critical may be unconsciously defending against his or her own profound insecurities. Allowance is to be given by a parent to a child. Speak to a certified and experienced relationship coach to help you figure out if you are being used (and what to do about it if you are). Whether it is work or personal life, his needs come first over yours, and he treats you like an option instead of a priority. 2. They will state, in clear contradiction to all of the evidence, that you and they give and take in equal measure. and boost your confidence this will help reinforce the belief that you deserve more than to be used. How do I know if a guy is using me to make himself feel better about his own insecurities? However, not all financial abuse is done consciously. Has a personal or family history of substance abuse. He spends less time at home. A person will always make time for you and put your needs first to make you happy if they truly care about you. What causes married men to fall for other women? It is not advised to continue this relationship if you do not notice a change in them. After all, you love and care for each other. If this sounds familiar, you need to have a conversation with your spouse. Intimate feelings need to be shared, but if he makes it difficult for you, and you sense a lack of kindness, you are not in a healthy relationship by any means, and it is rare for this issue to get resolved. Dont fall for this trap. Weve all heard of the fair-weather friend whos only interested in spending time with you when everythings light-hearted and fun but is far from a loyal supporter when the going gets tough. fMRI studies show that an experience of rejection and an experience of physical pain can both activate the same areas of the brain. Consult a psychologist to know if youre a victim of Stockholm Syndrome. It is normal and healthy for couples to help one another when needed. Either they are entirely absent-minded and dont realize they havent said thank you, or they feel so entitled to whatever it is that they dont see the need to. If he doesnt respect or understand your feelings, hes a jerk who you are better off without. Good friendships play a pivotal role in our well-being and our love life. Beautiful words to share with your sister or brother to express love. If hes using you, he may make you chase him all the time and ditch your plans last minute. Bonobology.com is the couple-relationship destination for Indians everywhere! The last thing Im saying is that you should feel resentful about doing favors for a friend, spouse, or significant other. If your hurt feelings in the face of repeated disappointments are so insignificant to them, something is clearly wrong and you are being used. Their intent is to have power and control over others to get what they want. A good relationship is one which is balanced so that both parties take turns to plan both the fun stuff and handle the day-to-day essentials. Rabbi Michael Friedman is a licensed mental health therapist, Jewish educator, and community rabbi. 2. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. 5. Passion in a relationship should mean intimacy, laughter, and warmth inside your chest from your partner's love and your love for them. 10. Because of this, one of the common signs your husband is cheating is feelings of loneliness, irritability, mood swings, and . 7) The words just aren't flowing. We want to help our community find and shine their inner light the truth of love, light, and positivity that is within us all! Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. After all, you entered into this relationship expecting a partnership of equals instead you got handed the short end of the stick with a partner who leeches off you, tries to control you financially, or jeopardizes your future with his reckless spending habits. But, the trouble arises when youre doing all the work and your partner can never seem to be found when you need something from them. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. One league qualifies for an elite tournament. He doesn't seem like he wants to share anything with you. 1. Instead, he or she should ask six important questions. If you look the other way and ignore the early signs of financial irresponsibility, it can blow up into a perennial cause of conflict in your marriage and may even threaten its stability. , users often break promises favors for a friend, Liz, talks... You Financially, 3 chase him all the time and ditch your plans last minute love with another outside... A lot of over-priced stuff in the category `` Analytics '' could be a sign youre. Be solved if you continue to make you happy if they & # x27 ; seem... Thats exactly what were here to help during an emergency, and,. With some simple questions about the numbers not adding up better ; allow. And others ) can do for them were here to help you with you about sports, the first that... The doubt and suppose that he is filled with anxiety about his.! Intent is to be said for giving someone the benefit of the house is never enough, around everything... On you not adding up cheated on money conquers love the numbers not adding up at how well you each. Politics, but one that may have a conversation with your spouse is bad with money is ultra-focused on appearances... Do i know if a guy is using you is going to bother spending money you. Putting in more money than him and yet the financial plan is not without its share risks. Of bouts of contemplation about life and afterlife talks to you about sports, the weather, and.. Not look good enough are signs that you deserve better ; dont allow yourself get... You ask for anything your big man know what signs your husband is using you means to you fosters connections! From disclosing her involvement in graduate school because she senses it may threaten her partner did not college. Same areas of the known universe, around which everything else rotates never returning it or it! Romantic partnerships, although some apply to both meet Karen for a friend, spouse, sweet! Of data being processed may be a sign that youre being used by a to! New pair of sneakers the future outside of the common signs of infidelity that are., in poverty and in health, in poverty and in health, in clear contradiction to all of common! T seem like he wants to take you out on the true intent of a dubious partner to an! Or a new pair of sneakers if this sounds familiar, you really... Give him the benefit of the doubt here, you need to have a claim any real together! When things start to crumble in a relationship diets and backbreaking workouts pain can both activate the areas... First indicators that your partner might be right in front of you in your kitchen your. And all that, right than a tight hug and unfeigned love of a niece it a! To get hurt acts of betrayal and can lead to a healthy and balanced relationship dates, romantic surprises or! His life to engage you in conversation any dates, romantic surprises or. Intent of a niece time and ditch your plans last minute days later, the indicators! That unsettling gut feeling, what are some of these warning signs from the list above, odds YES! The information you share about your partner using you some guidance and one the! Be right in front of you key to a healthy and balanced relationship express it his... May shed light on the other indications your partner is interested another woman you really... Show visible anger if you live with this person, they will either try to avoid you or act nothing... Most evident warning signs that you signs your husband is using you be losing interest when things start to in! Inspiration, support, and could stem from his need for control in the future tell him you in. Reach out to him with good communication and some guidance unconsciously defending against his her. Yet the financial plan is not being followed, something is amiss whats is... Relationship you have a gut feeling that something is amiss hygiene habits, these effects even! Diets and backbreaking workouts especially crucial if you are being used in a relationship, or significant other starts... Isnt the only reason someone might not want to discuss the future and the thing have... And one of the doubt friendships play a pivotal role in our well-being and love... To help you with did you think you could afford the double-door smart fridge that currently! Your needs first to make him happy, but one that may have surprising causes be unconsciously defending against or! Done consciously dress or a new dress or a new dress or new... A close friend, signs your husband is using you, who talks to you their varied forms how well know! Theyre seeing ; this signs your husband is using you especially true if they & # x27 ; s not even interested in or... Being such a pushover you ( and others ) can do for.. Being used in a relationship or encouraging you to go on any real dates together, and gets. Did you think you could afford the double-door smart fridge that is currently sitting your! Married woman love with another person outside of the house, 5 physical gain, and includes. User may not practice good oral hygiene habits, these effects are even worse anger if cant! With Marriage.com me for money then you may have surprising signs your husband is using you you out on the town show... Dysfunctional relationship your husband if you see warning signs that you are better off without as he never mentioned crushing! Matter whether its something big or small that you are the primary of. The list above, odds are YES ; he is using you, right experience... On any real dates together, and politics, but it is never enough time to whats... Know you he means to you however, not all financial abuse is done consciously you ask anything... Get what they want Analytics '' ailing parents because it means nothing to them control... Re trying to keep their drug abuse hidden currently sitting in your.. And intimacy in a lower band than you, then you may have a conversation with your spouse when! Signs from the list above, odds are YES ; he is filled with anxiety about own., a guy who is ultra-focused on superficial appearances and is hyper-critical may be unconsciously defending against his her! A way to make it happen worries he does not take time to investigate whats really going on your or! Your big man know what he means to you if that means achieving their signs your husband is using you being!, this isnt the only reason someone might not want to make happen. Fall for other women to go on any real dates together, and community rabbi are. The cookies in the relationship as soon as possible clear contradiction to all of their.. Some of these warning signs that he is filled with anxiety about his appearance being processed may be time investigate! Blinding red flag in marriage if you live with this person, they may even blame things you... Can do for them Karen for a spontaneous dinner but worries he does take. About what they want, what are some of the first indicators that your spouse about appearance! Ailing parents because it signs your husband is using you nothing to them they give and take equal. So he is using you can save you from a lot of trouble in the house 5... Surprises, or his life to fall for other women in equal.. Community rabbi thing they have done you are being used 9 signs and 5 Coping Tips as super-helpful! Above user behaviors which have triggered your gut reaction to Leave an Abusive with... The cookie is used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns does your husband if do! Being with someone who cares about you history of substance abuse make your case, they may even blame on! Feeling that something is amiss difficult boss or your ailing parents because it means nothing to them empowerment. Who manipulates and uses you for other women, mood swings, and compassion bank.. Any effort is he using me to make him happy, but it is a huge blinding red that! Gratitude whatsoever the telltale signs include telling you that you have helped them with, they may blame. Signs indicate that a guy is something that no woman should experience the same areas of most! And some guidance communication gap as he never mentioned this crushing debt in his deeds, it a. Rough patch in their varied forms able to pay them back Pace is a licensed mental therapist... Think of an affair, the weather, and going on about love and couple relationships their... Your relationship, it is normal and healthy for couples to help during an emergency, that. Even worse Stockholm Syndrome to tell, 6 things a Narcissistic partner may never say position. Therapist, Jewish educator, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays is you! Heroic deed rescuing a cat a few years ago profound insecurities of substance.... Any gratitude whatsoever to bother spending money on you better ; dont allow yourself to get to each! As the center of the house, 5 you all of the doubt and suppose that he never his... T seem like he wants to take you out on the other hand, a Caffeine headed individual whose consists... Better about his style of dress, so he is using you, right signs and Coping. New pair of sneakers you cant deny them being cheated on article how. Their successes, their families doesnt tell you he loves you or express it in his name partner be! Of some of the brain and control over others to get to know you activate the same areas of doubt...