He is very needy and jealous of my time. At times he wouldnt come home from car meets until 3am. I get so mad when he tells me that because honestly, I dont have any hobbies! We got in a huge fight this last Sunday because I told him no he couldnt go because I wanted to spend time as a family. I cant compete with this anymore. To point now, he doesnt bother asking he just does it, its an addiction not a hobby anymore, if hes not racing at regionals or nationals all over the place. Please research aspergers syndrome. We will be married l0 yrs in 2021 and he can go as I will qualify for survivorship benefits on SS. Im resentful towards his car buddies and the time they spend with him. My fiance and I came to fight night in Feb of 2016. But I can see his hobby is his first priority. Oh my. Little do they know the bullying that goes on behind the scenes to their mother. My husband has always been a car fanatic since our dating days. My boyfriend golfs non stop or works . It is tough but it can be done. Fast forward 13 years. An anonymous reader asked TV's Steph and Dom Parker for advice on her husband becoming obsessed with the gym (file image) STEPH SAYS: So, you're a 'gym widow'. Why not be a part of something your spouse enjoys, in some way? He also counts steps religiously. Like an addictive . He lies, steals and cheats to hunt year-round with multi-millionaires. He says he understands and that he agrees its too much, but the he goes and does it anyway. He told me and everyone that our marriage was solid. Last week, within 5 days, he went to two parties and spent one day, all day, doing a car thing. I tried to do it lovingly with positive words trying to reassure him that I dont want him to give it up completely, just scale it down a bit, but he rolled his eyes and said So youre gonna start that again? So what do I do? Why is it only me making scarifies? I knew he had his own hobbies and activities but he didnt seem at all obsessed with them. He wont help himself or eat well at all. He has ALWAYS had an issue with working. By definition, a marriage requires that two people be sensitive to each other's emotional needs and set some ground rules, working out behavior patterns that don't constantly grate on each other.. Frankly I dont even try to engage anymore while shes using it. He is otherwise a great man or I wouldnt have stayed. Very important! My practicing is down to 45 minutes once or twice a week. I just cant get over the resentment. I didnt get married to be constantly alone. I have talked to him and encouraged him. I have the same exact problem with my husband playing softball, so we are going to do couples therapy. A looks slightly terrified but still seems game to play. The rare times we go out to dinner I pay for half of them he pays the other half. Of course when he was courting me it was all different. He often drastically changed his look and experimented with different styles. Eventually I shut myself off. I can relate to so many here. Come the weekend, I want to get out and work on a project. he gets home when Im ready to go to bed. My wifes hobby is quite simply her phone (and the many she can use it). For starters, you have to break the pattern of hot reactivity around his ogling behavior. You oversimplify this hobby obsession problem by assuming the unhappy spouses are boring and frigid. Adam: "Having disagreements about spending in a relationship is hardly bullying, it is natural and unavoidable and has happened since the dawn of money . He talks about it constantly and when we get home from a long day of work he watches people fish on his phone or looks up things he can buy like boats, truck parts, etc. All I can take away from this is that men are disappointing, selfish and sometimes cruel. I didnt realize there were so many people in this situation. He says he is provider and I could do what I want with my time . I just want to cry because I feel alone. My husband was very attentive during the courtship period. I have stop working full time and enjoy working part-time as I am sick of seeing our hard earn cash being blindly splurged into HIS hobby. We are convinced that we have made a good catch and are therefore more prepared to overlook their disrespectful and inconsiderate behavior. He also always has a house thats torn apart and needs work. Dont get me wrong, the money is amazing and so is his work ethic, but it makes for a lousy husband and very part time father. Ill keep looking and will try out a few things Im sure. Nice idea though. After the honeymoon, he began going to his workshop and spending hours upon hours there and I began feeling alone. If he changes the oil in my car, I have to pay for the oil and the filter. I literally LOL'd with a tear at both of your comments. Has anyone found any other working solutions or compromises to this obsessive behavior? He doesnt even wait for me to wake up or cuddle me in bed anymore, hes up usually till midnight- 2am tinkering with it and then wakes up at 6 am to start messing with it more. I do all the laundry, work in our office (invoices, organize jobs, make calls, enter all job information, emails, pay invoices, do the taxes, etc.) She may also worry about an accident with it. We have 2 boys 10 and 10 months. Snap. He's Always Complaining About Homelife 4. I have a problem where my husband is over enthusiastic about my hobby. It feels like Im in trouble the entire time I am fixing our house or doing yard work! We sleep separately, no point in sleeping in the same bed with a creepy old fella that cant even bear to touch you let alone look at you, My husbands model building car obsession which now consumes him, began early in his childhood, sadly. We love the Lord and each other but I have prayed for many years that God would lead us to the right books, counselors, conferences,etc. I used to accompany him to car meets, races, mechanic shops, junk yards for parts, etc. I give 110% and I dont believe I can give anymore effort. 1 month ago 3 horses made their way back into our barn and all of a sudden money is there to buy new equipment, feed, trailerand i just look in the mirror wondering why i wasnt worth spending money on. We can skip down the yellow brick road together hand in hand, forever and ever amen.Ill leave it there, Im sure you get the point. He started fantasizing about building a second story on it so it would be the biggest house on the block. If your spouses favorite hobby or activity has stolen them from your marriage, it may be time to address the issue and set some boundaries. Music He makes and produces music. Suddenly beginning to use new communication apps. Honestly, I am totally fine with that. My boyfriend is obsessive about dancing. Why dont you think of getting out of Calripkin and just focuse on JR & VR and what your kids are play softball & baseball. Mine owns and trains race horses. I tell her she should get out of the house, even telling her she can have her time to do something she likes while I watch the kids but she never does. I went to counseling for five . Then he goes on that evening like nothing ever happened. Hes a bit sneaky about it too he only tells me last minute that hes going out because subconsciously he knows I wont be happy about it. But theres a very fine line between enjoying as a hobby & addiction. A lot of times I feel ignored and unimportant, like how or why would he choose these hobbies over me? Wow. I feel that when a hobby takes over your life, theres a problem. We began discing everyday. He didnt thinm i was serious about the car accident. This article was funny..I tried that years ago.. Wowi feel for all u ladies! I have expressed my issues, concerns and despair many ways, many times and only get defensiveness and anger or major attitude back. This is being gone every night 8:30- 9 pm. At any given time in our marriage hes never had less than 3 cars and sometimes upwards of 10 a time. Anything that causes someone to spend a massive amount of time away from a relationship creates an imbalance and, puts the other person in a codependent position of accommodating their hobby. Relationships should be about meeting close to the middle when it comes to needs. So after years of lies, excessive spending, monthly hunting trips away from family, I have been digging. (I scailed back the plans for it when we got together so i could spend time with her, I'm (29/F) over it. One more thing keep in mind his daughter is in Softball year round and his son is also year round. He LOVES CYCLING. Such selfishness! Im tempted to quit work after I deliver so he doesnt have my income anymore and has to take a more serious look at our finances. This is our constant fight. Nina I am in a very similar boat. Know when your hopes are well-founded and how to turn your deep desires into results. He has ED and hypogonadism and refuses to get anymore help. A passionate interest can take over their personality and their life (and yours, too!). The couple requested guests make a . As a result I endured months of disrespect and neglect without standing up for myself. These guys are selfish, self centered, immature jerks who are irresponsible with money and think the World He will not make any plans ahead of time, when I look for him around our property I always feel like I am bothering him and he is missing out on quality time with our children. We could not, he said, because he made plans with his dad. What I do need you to do is stop attacking me if I voice discomfort. Pray for us! I often knew the women he was talking about and wasnt so sure about the correctness of his assessments. No way. I try to suggest movies or tv shows to watch together but he will not watch anything I suggest. The training is done entirely online and only takes 3 hours. Perhaps I have wasted my heart for 4 decades on this man. This will help them feel like theyve still got freedom to spend time on their hobby, but now they know what your desires and and what is expected of them. I am a teacher so now that its summer I am home with them all day long. Im happy he loves his hobby & yes he told me he still loves me but come on husbands,make time for your spouse too! They are all 20-25 without kids and families and he is pushing 40. I love cars too. "My husband has said unkind things about my appearance many times. He even bought a head light so he could continue working through the night until 5 am in the yard or fence that he made with sticks. Thankfully he chose me. That could be life altering. When i came home he was still building my fence. My biggest worry is she wont want to have children because she wont be capable of taking the time off riding. I have been married for 23 years and dated my husband for 7 years prior to that. The boys (5.6) love that dad gives them so much screen time. I drew the line at that one he had already wheedled enough money from me! One a month he plays poker on Wednesday evening. Then he goes on that evening like nothing ever happened. My husband has a very obsessive personality. His father is very cruel and sys many verbal things to us. Ever since my wife left me I have been obsessed with physical appearance. Far from mustering any sympathy for your distress, he's taking your vulnerability and using it as a weapon against you. After 6 years of college, he drove a truck, mainly, I believe, because he could not watch sports if he worked a 9-5 job. He possessed tons of clothes and going to thrift stores was his big passion. He of course took offense to that which I dont blame him. Oh my goodness,this is my life with my husband,24hours a day,7 days a week all he thinks about is his car& I have totally been pushed to the side.I have cried so much because I feel so rejected. I have pieces of it in my garage, driveway, and backyard. I just dont know what to do. I feel like she wants me to have nothing and Im the one who should sacrifice their life, hobbies or passions. Ask questions to enter your spouses world as much as possible, see whats good about it, then share it to the degree that you can. I massively reduced the plans and costs when we found out we were expecting) Its not on the road as every time its mentioned I stop work. . I was a bit irritated with this since he didnt talk to me first about it but okay, it makes him happy. I use to practice for 1 hour at least 3-4 times a week. At the moment he is only making 100 a week. 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