Reverse the gender roles and its a very different situation. Growing up around a tense marriage where the parents were barely keeping it together to give the kids an illusion of a complete family could also have that effect. If you've been wanting marriage since you were old enough to form the words "I do" or recently discovered that you want your current partner to be your last, the worst thing that could happen is to discover that the love of your life doesn't want to get married. Nice but I dont think its real.. Whatever. This experience made me pledge to myself I would never marry again. He said we could talk about it again later. He has been wonderful however as of yet we dont live together. Im 29 this year and hes 54. Thats why its so important to check if this is happening in your relationship if you want it to progress to the next level. Theyd rather walk away than understand or consider a mans point of view, consequences of divorce or legal risk. Why would he? Instead, approach the topic from a place of wanting to better understand your boyfriend's hangups with marriage and children. I also explained to him that I am a bit darker in complexion as compared to him, not a size zero figure ( as he could see by the pics) and of a different race. In addition, you said you put your needs before him. Cullins speaks to local, national, and international audiences about relationships, money matters, parenting, and the role of spirituality in achieving your personal goals, and she serves as a moderator/facilitator for community-based panel discussions sponsored by local nonprofit organizations. Dont ask him one time where the relationship is going, and dont talk about your feelings or the past. Check out this simple and genuine video from bestselling author James Bauer (who coined the term) to learn a step-by-step blueprint for triggering the hero instinct in your man. Even if he drew up a will ive seen some took it further and changed that will without you knowing and we stupid enough to continue be a nurse and support FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS all on THEIR terms. I have been with my bf for three years and recently gave him the ultimatum, and have left as he told me he wants to be together , love and care for me and my two children but doesnt want to get married again as after two divorces. You may be happy, but he could just be a wimp who constantly acquiesces to your demands. Hes unable to be consistent and this will plague you for years. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. Ie, A/C components, parts house bs, etc. Hearing that your partner is concerned that marriage might change the relationship will likely feel a lot better than simply assuming your partner doesnt want to get married because he or she doesnt love you. Help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in finding the answers you are looking for. In this article, well show you all the signs suggesting he does love you but is against marriage in general. I would not be comfortable if things I earned during my life went to my partner first then to my kids second. What it did was to proof to me he never loved me. 2. Yet at the same time, I could see myself marrying my boyfriend. I should have given him an ultimatum at least 3 or 4 years ago. Id suggest this if you both are equally able to be self supporting, as not being married means you arent entitled to a lot of things. In the end, the important thing is to be on the same page with your partner. DO I have to? He's likely obsessed with you andhas a vision of you as his savior, as the only person who can make him happy, and that makes him paralyzed when it comes to letting you go. Im a hardworking woman, descent, respectful, loving, caring. Am I suppose to start all over again ..by than this will be hard for me to do because I will be older and the older you are the harder it is to start over again. We also talked about buying a house together as a retirement place for us so I would have that. I bought the dream house etc. Apparently he wants our life to be ready financially and have the security of a house before we get married and have another child (which I respect apparently). saying we inspire them. Do you think hell behave more responsibly towards you financially or otherwise? If your expectations are that (typically) the male is a guaranteed provider/ breadwinner, you are sole carer of children and expect to have a settlement based around being provided for beyond the end of the relationship/marriage if it goes wrong then yes no marriage is definitely a deal breaker. He says he will never get married. Hes sending me mixed messages about whether he wants to get married or not, but he wont give me a straight answer no matter how many times I try to talk to him. Well I got a little upset about it and didnt say a word. They dont live at home and they are not needy, but when they come around any plans weve made get broken. This time i am done. He will give me anything to make me happy. Wow, I have read all of the comments.This made me realize that Im not the only one struggling with the thought of marriage. I am not even going to mention this to him I just need a little bit of courage on how to go about telling him he will never ever see me again. Not only have you hacked the living together thing, youre even getting parenting practice with a pet you adopted together. I get what you say and I agree fully. Hi Seriously Hurt- I feel lucky and blessed to have such a great man in my life. We love each other and have a wonderful relationship. You dont have to settle for that. I just wish she would have honored our agreement to wait 24 hours before we did anything rash, but I know she was upset and it was emotional. Im going thru a similar experience my partner dosent want to marry me broke my heart when he told me Im still hurting now :(, I have been with my partner for nearly 6 yrs and we have two boys and my daughter from a previous relationship who has now got his last name before we even got together i told him i wanted marriage and more kids he said he wanted the same after we had our first son he then told me he dont want marrige i thought it would change but now all our kids have his name i brought it up saying i want to have the same name as my kids he then tells me hes not in love with me anymore and now he wants to try work on our relationship even if he would fall back in love with me i dont think he will ever marry me what should i do. It wasnt, it was a bracelet. Thank you. I cant imagine that to be true. I wish I had longer legs, I wish my mum hadnt died, and I wish he would marry me but sometimes there are things we have to accept and just move on in life. To me, marriage is much more concrete than a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. So at the moment I have moved my stuff, returned keys trying to be philosophical and missing him! Three years and two kids come on I dont know what to do!!! As you may know, we all have both feminine and masculine energy within us. I get where hes coming from but cant just ignore my feelings and desire for marriage. The truth is that, according to the science journal, Archives of Sexual Behavior, men dont act logically when it comes to relationships. His parents have been together for 30 years and are completely solid but they never got married because his mother was forced to marry very young an abusive partner before she met my other halfs dad. There are many reasons men are afraid of marriage, but certainly once they think you are not going to leave, or are tied down with kids, they arent as motivated to get married to prevent losing you to someone else. What should I do, do you think he will walk away, or just wait for her to realize he isnt that great of a guy even though he provides a lot for her. Women sleep with a man they are cohabiting with the most, followed by boyfriends with husbands being loved the least. Should I always feel awful. Perhapsnow its time to stop providing so much to himand start taking care of yourself. He may have a lot of great excuses as to why he wont be official, but his actions are more important than his words. So do I settle and have my happily ever after or not settle n still have our kind of happily ever after??? I wouldnt be in this situation now. Our 9th annaversary is July 3rd. I like the legal benefits however because I if my partner dies then how am I protected? Seriously?! we just take a break once, upto now. Heres the thing, plenty of men will genuinely love a woman but never fully commit to her because of a silent biological drive that holds him back. 1. You dont have to stop seeing them, but by moving out you change the dynamics of the relationship. Omg! instead he talks like we are very happy being together. Do you know if that inspiringly? Obviously there are negatives for marriage for women as well, for example why shouldnt they continue in their careers if they want to? But there are other things I want in life that I cant have either and sometimes we just have to accept a situation, and be happy with what we have when its a good thing. 1. I am 47 with two boys, he is 55 with a daughter who lives with him part time. Both men and women can be hesitant about marriage, and when romantic partners have different opinions of marriage, the conflict can be challenging to resolve. This is a terrible example for your child who will end up angry and confused about relationships. I feel the same wayI dont want to invest a lot of money into our home knowing I could be kicked out by someone its sad because a woman takes pride in designing their home, I have a kashmiri boyfriend committed for past 1 year. I am now disabled. No one is able to help me, friends and family just say to me its your decision and they cant tell me what to do. Hes not like that at his home and w/his kidshis mom also lives w/him too. If hes otherwise great to you but just doesnt want to marry, its quite possible he loves you. In between, however, are those men who are only biding their time until they are emotionally, financially, and/or mentally ready to take that step. I dont know if you are aware of this, but ladies are not the only group of people who look forward to getting married; men do too. I want marriage. Dont be so available to Mr wont marry you. If he wont and is stuck in that situation there is nothing you can dojust make sure if you are willing to covert to Muslim make sure you can live with that choice.. My boyfriend wants to marry me and move in with me we have been together for 7 mouths. one thing, he too cant stay without me. All rights reserved. Wed only been dating 10 months. pleaseeeeee somebody help me in this!!!! He said it wasnt the right time to talk about it and that he made a mistake and shut the conversation down. He is really great guy, he takes care of me and treats me with love and respect. Its unfair. I love him so much and want to proudly call him my husband. I have pulled away to a place I am happy for now, and letting him take the keas after months and months of it being me that pushed for commitment. He just sorta smiles and plays it off. Is something wrong with my vagina? Itt cruel. Now she comes to birthday parties we have and even family get togethers. My 28M boyfriend doesnt believe in marriage, but will get married to me, 30F cause he knows its something I want. But now I am unsure again, and afraid that he has already bought a ring. I just need to know what I can do to stop wanting marriage so badly because I know hes a wonderful person and we could have the most wonderful life if I could just get over myself. Good luck. Ltd. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. One thing a lot of women need to stop with is this claim that if a man doesnt want to marry, that he is not willing to commit. Commitment and marriage are not one and the same. If he walks away or shuts down, he may not love you. Trust me. I refused. It comes down to people not being compatible. Same amount of time together too. Understanding thismight be the key to helping you make that final break andget away from him soyou can have the life you really want. My 28-year-old boyfriend of one year told me he doesn't want to get married and he doesn't want children. even without a proposal anything. Never did I feel so alone and stuck in my life. It wasnt easy and still isnt easy. However the reality for me was that however much I wanted to marry him, at 47 wanting security and to feel settled, I didnt want to lose him either. Ive been with my partner for 26 years, our son is in his 20s now and moved out at 18. By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org'sTerms and Conditions of Use. I will rack my brains on this for a while and see what I can come up with. In my eyes i still expect HIM to pay the bill at cafe .Lol and see me right , get me what i need. Its hard to understand why he doesnt want to get married when we both love each other so much. That doesnt mean he doesnt love you, but itcouldbecome a problem if you really want marriage, and he doesnt. Unfortunately, planning is one thing, but being able to afford it is another ballgame. After the engagement and miscarriage I thought I was still all in to get married. Some partners don't even realize their fear of committing to marriage is rooted in previous negative experiences they never properly addressed and healed from. These things are so difficult, Im 47 and partner is 57, been together for 2+ years and living together for more than a year. You're scared to be alone, that you would never love or be loved again, of the pain and the loss and the loneliness. Go to dinner or a movie, or just go drive around and listen to music if you have to. We havent spoken in a day and a half. Thats where youll get the real information youre seeking. Then I hear about how so many marriages end in divorce and I wonder if maybe hes rite. If you think about it how will you EVER be happy? 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