I will not accept apathy and avoidance any longer! But I hid it well but it was bad. Shame or internalization of maltreatment, leading to decreased self-esteem, depression, and lots of other problems, Fear/avoidance of your partner and/or certain triggers or situations, Somatic symptoms such as medically inexplicable pain or fatigue, Forms of dissociation including substance abuse. We broke up a couple of months later but remained good friends. You know, your typical garden-variety hatred. We were doing good till tonight that i got trigger with a joke that was not the best and told him. I wont lie, it helps huge and makes the process easier and faster that my husband isnt freaking out on me or harbors no hate in his heart right now. Permanent damage to his relationship with the kids, etc. Yeppers, if that crush of his would have liked him back, which she didnt, he and I would cease to exist as a couple. You did one thing wrong? But, if youre both willing to work on your relationship, you can rebuild trust and strengthen your love and commitment to one another. (Also true) Find someone independent to talk to for your sake and his. He thought he would hide it b/c I would be even madder and upset if I knew he wrote that. Watch this video for information on building trust after infidelity: Strengthening your bond and love after cheating has affected your marriage is feasible, but it will likely take a lot of time and work. Starting at 8 a.m. Amanda, thank you for sharing your story with us. I knew that he was married, and I never crossed any lines, but then again I guess she could argue that just having this emotional affair was crossing the line. Another will be living through the CS justification for the affair. I didnt do anything wrong. I didnt want to have to separate before getting a job, due to money issues, but STBXH did something that really made me look at what hes become, and that the reason Ive been feeling like my husband doesnt really care about me or our children much is because he DOESNT. I had to file for divorce because of the financial part. !, Love it, I dont think your alone in your thinking. The second option is what happens when your brain is exhausted and just wants to restore a sense of safety and connection, preserve your worldview, and simply survive. It only means all that love you say you have for me is not that srong . I met him in November 2014. Imagine if everyone tended to their own gardens imagine, how they would flourish. You assumed he was being honest because you wanted to assume that but no you did not know him. The first time having sex after the cheating was so emotional. Obviously it hurt our relationship (I couldn't trust him anymore the way I did) but in some crazy way it also made us stronger. That seems like a VERY long time to still be holding on to the feelings evoked during the affair. My husbands affair was like that. But, I laughed out loud when I read not my monkey, not my circus as I use that expression ALL THE TIME to describe the fiasco my CS created with his bad decisions. Just hearing you say that or should I say reading it helps me understand just a little. I hope your ordeal/nightmare ends soon. And that was 21 years of self-delusion. I love how people come to these blogs asking for advice and opinions about the state of their relationship and then begin to eschew and denigrate those people who give it to them. What kind of crazy ass woman were you married to that would let a guy like you go???? And youre going to happily bounce along now because youre communicating about all the shit he did wrong? I have put myself through university without anyones help and each day I keep my mind active and learn new things, so I dont think I get stuck in a rut or have a negative attitude. He was absent. How do I deal with the pain of behing betray and feel less then, and move forward. He cheated, so she cheated. I cried every day in the shower for months so I wouldnt show my pain. This can be a topic that you visit with a counselor about since it is an important choice that you will need to make. To split would mean that my whole life was wasted on someone who at one point claimed that he had never loved me. So yah, thats my affair in a nutshell. It certainly doesnt feel like nothing, but I am grateful to have stumbled across this website as it really helps to read that what Im going through is normal. That hurt me like hell still does. A great deal is about the deliberate cruelty on his part. He hates who he was and who he feels that makes him today. I drove them to school, so they didnt have to take the bus. You've gotten through the hardest period which is like the first 3 weeks, LTW thats a good point. You will need to decide how you feel about each other and if you are both open to getting back together after cheating. Any persons going after other another persons spouse knowing they are married is whats wrong with this world I should have left my STBXW 20 years ago after the first dday. Any yucky feelings I have were essentially self inflicted, feeling bad for anyone like me would be like feeling bad for a person who deliberately holds their hand over an open flame. I just think that youre suffering from the lack of all the attention and pretend love the AP gave you, and dont think you are anywhere close to understanding the consequences of what you did. You know your boyfriend cheats on you and you know hell keep cheating on youbut you dont want to lose him because you still love him. You take my words or leave them. They may feel many different emotions and feelings after they cheat, and even more, emotions may be possible after the infidelity is found out. His rules this time. Today is exactly 2 years when my H came & admitted his EA. We we married for 21 years, he hit middle age crazy issues!! She started our marriage acting like she was single, spent years hiding things and possibly cheating from me, and the last 3 years was like a kangaroo, hopping from whichever man or woman she could find to provide attention. I told him its exactly what you did to me, told me it was all my fault, all the things I did or didnt do, didnt put his family first. It wasnt easy getting there, and of course I still flash back a little still, almost three years out. A husband can still love you if he cheats on you. Trust me, if he tells me to leave and means it, I wouldnt stick around. He is constantly lying to anyone that will listen and he actually believes his lies to be true. In 2012 when he wanted to take on a different role with a big salary decrease I told him to go for it. But I interpreted it as *I* was everything he was missingso I felt special. Not only will a therapist be able to facilitate your communication with each other, but they may also be able to offer tips on, Even when you are at a loss regarding how to love your husband after he cheated, you likely know that you must. And round and round we go. I was thrown threw a loop with him. These two cheaters should take their lumps and move on. You brought back things I hide from myself. I told her it was nice to hear a 20 year old little shit was making up my mind for me. She attacked every corner of my emotional and mental being. I am really trying but like you, the relationship that we have now is not what either of us would have wanted. This was sadly proven true back in the day when babies in orphanages who received adequate food and shelter but little to no physical touch or nurturing kept wasting away and dying. Your Husband Cheated on You- What Do You Do Now? Im a really really bad enemy to have. Resist the urge to keep checking their texts. Is Your Husband Using Facebook to Cheat on You? He never gave me an ultimatum or threat to leave me if I did XY or Z. I was relating a story about his hypocrisy during his affair. Your email address will not be published. Talk to them when you feel like you cant go on. Peace To All, Amanda, its good to hear your not going to give up that easily on your marriage. He has been a big spender, dropping thousands in casinos and buying unnecessary junk. I would secretly giggle at people who got so swept up in ridiculousness and could not figure out what the big deal was. He seems to be taking it too well. Heres How to Trust Them Again. She has terminal cancer and I dont feel one ounce of pity for her. We still had our little fights here and there. You did it to the ap. Apparently the affair had been going on Via social media long distance for two years with the occasional Meetup out of state during those years. Try to stay positive with your H and try to show him every day in some small way you are committed to trying to rebuild your marriage. You will too. Pray Until Something Happens. Speaking negatively was not what we were about, but more to help each other through hard times. - Redditor Glacea7, "I gave him a second chance, but it was never the same. I absolutely adore spending time with her, but I'm not sure I'd recommend it to anyone." You marriage may or may not have had problems before you affair. That hurts me the mostbut I dont know how to handle it sometimes. Maybe that leap of faith is trusting your boyfriend after he cheatedor maybe its breaking up with him and rebuilding your life. Some folks come here and ask for help. Why did he have to destroy me on his way out? I discovered last month. I should have been more sensitive. Theres always hope but it seems like a stretch as I see it. And for 1 year my H lied, hid, denied and forgot details and facts when I asked questions. Great to see after 27 years. For the first time we are communicating. After 6 months of being home from prison, he tells me has found someone new. That is not to say we cant have something good or dont have good in our life. I have anxiety about it but I have planned for myself that may happen one day. Im sure there is some fear associated with ending my marriage. I need someone who loves me, values me, has the morals and strength of character to be a true partner. I can, however, share with you my embarrassing thought process throughout the EA, and I predict many others thought the same way I did. You were far away. In fact, you are reacting exactly the way that millions of years of evolution have designed all humans to react. This has destroyed my life, a career I was trying to embark on and turned me into a person who wont trust or have patience with anyone else in the world either. Once you were won (or married) then the H reverted back to his usual self. Can a relationship go back to normal after cheating? I had to get myself together for the sake of my kids. 2. Take the advice or dont. TryingHard- I do appreciate your opinion but its hard to take it for what it is. Figure this concept out first and the rest will follow. I told my therapist that was BS b/c when we were dating he was different. He slept with one of his classmates several times while he was there while blackout drunk. Her father died? People make mistakes, its how we rectify those mistakes, how we learn from them, and how we take notice of how our mistakes affected those we love, that is what sets us apart from those that couldnt care less. You and your husband should have an honest conversation, starting with these questions: Do we want to stay together? You really have to look at you not him. Dear Amy: I retired at 62 and consider the ability to do so a blessing. No part of this website may be reproduced without permission of the copyright owner. I would say overall he is not a good guy though, immature and selfish and lier plus womanizer. Its been 2 weeks and she has decided to seek counseling. And I am willing to bet if you focus on fixing yourself instead of thinking this is a one off bad choice, youll end up in a much better marriage. I didnt want any of that with him it was only to be set so I ended it with him. My first husband was emotionally and physically abusive, and he had gone to Mexico for an unspecified amount of time and expected me to send him money that I was supposed to collect from people who owed it to him. Trust just takes time. He thought of the craziest excuses for getting rid of me. He didnt leave. I dont support him. He abandoned me and our son a few months after his return to the U.S., and didnt pay child support for the sixteen years he should have. Ultimately, I decided the line she crossed was a boundary I would not live with or condone. Amanda talks about getting over pain, easy for the person who inflicts the pain to say, my experience is its with you in some way forever, whether you let it own your happiness is a choice. If your boyfriend cheated because he wasnt getting something from you or your relationship, then it may be easier to rebuild trust because you can change your relationship. Enough said. Fast forward 2 years from DDay next week and we are better. That will work too. I hope this teen learns to modulate her own. If the affair involved a co-worker . Certain situations that are both new and unwelcome may, indeed, appear at first sight so appalling that we dread to recognize their very existence.. He say he was lying to her but he is always been a men carful with what he says. Without any warning I was a good wife and faithfull and took care of him and he knows how much i loved him. You know intrinsically what you did was wrong and you are expressing the construct of the situation, but you are in the moment when its still fresh, as is your husband.This is one of the many things you were right on (yes, I said many!) Speak to him about what he did, why he did it, and if he was concerned about how it would affect you. I get it. I do know from my own experience after the affair I want to be treated pretty darn special, and thats different for everyone. Thank you for sharing your experience and enlightening me, getting perspective is why Im here:) As far as straying instead of confronting issues within my marriage, oh boy, as untrustworthy as I may be in many eyes right now, trust me on just this: I tried ridiculously hard for YEARS to fix many of our issues. Im guessing that most of you have seen or experienced this first hand and can relate to what Im about to share. My problem is when he WAS in the same place as my neighbor cheater he derided him. She however told me that she still has attraction and feelings for this other guy. And he tried to explain to me that it was a hypothetical question, not real. Maybe you are already and you know what I mean. And I dont buy justification. So its all good, I have thick skin and I can handle a little scrutiny from people, its okay. I felt unwanted but I wasnt sure he loved me. Amanda, I hope, for you and your girls, that he wakes up soon. Scroll through to see how they responded you may be surprised by how much you relate to their answers. Only then can you start to consider things rationally. I feel that I cannot let go of them because I havent gotten to the bottom of it on some issues. If you really want to save your marriage, you need to fully understand that and do the necessary work, no matter how difficult or inconvenient. In time, the pain will lessen but you do need to give it time. After helping they started talking she will send him pictures , but yet saying that she was a shy person. If you choose to go, the same thing applies. But I dont have the ability to say, well, I have the moral high ground. It totally makes sense. And relevant support groups (see my resources page for a few) get real deep real quick. I was still catching him in evasiveness and dishonesty months later. Can your husband still love you if he cheats? We have trust issues, and now I feel as if were growing apart. If you choose not to do that, that is certainly your right. Your choice.. Just try to put yourself in HIS shoes for a while. Lonely: You say you and your husband are roommates, but many roommates have more honest and intimate relationships than you two seem to have, because, if theyre friends, roommates tell each other their stories. Period. Not fighting (although there was that), but the distance and coolness. __It was brutal to be so close to a climax and then see the other woman's face in my head, or to imagine his naked body with her*. Love the responses:) Not too harsh at all and I can appreciate that everyone is still hurting, so all comments will be viewed by me with a great deal of respect. We have a 5 year old and a 20 month old. This is where finding some good books to read will help. Missing/longing for their affair partner. He has cut off all funds to us as well. The antidote to cheating is rigorous honesty. It felt easier at the time to let it all go. Two kids and Im a size 10, woot wootya:/ Anyway, Scott, heres what Im thinking: You wont know exactly how I feel and I wont know exactly how you feel. Here is what you might see: Phase Five: The Every Thing is Just Peachy Phase In this phase after an affair is discovered, the ex-cheater is feeling good about things. Determining whether I will have a more fulfilling life with or without him is a very tough question. It will take some time for that anger to disappear. This is all still very new to us. All Rights Reserved. Many of you seem to be in a better place than you have been since the betrayal changed your lives. We went on a three-month break, and when we got back together, I proposed that we rebuild the relationship and wait to have sex. I hate having to be nice to someone who has been so cruel to me, but he is being nice so far, and I mistrust that a LOT, especially since he already threatened to move the funds elsewhere if I didnt respect his rights to see his kids. Then youre freaking out so your brain tells you to seek the safety of your person again. I havent commented here in forever. Th, what is it about, when they dont believe they were that terrible person, but when they witness someone else doing the same thing, they cant believe that they could do such a thing. Make Your Own Reasons Why I Love You List for Your Husband, Treading Carefully: Getting Back Together After Separation, 10 Things You Must Know Before Separating From Your Husband, 3 Ways Separation in Marriage Can Make a Relationship Stronger, 12 Steps to Rekindle a Marriage After Separation, How to Have a Trial Separation in the Same House, Tips For Dating While Separated But Not Divorced, 10 Ways a Dad Can Fulfill a Stay-at-Home Moms Expectations, How to Stop Overthinking After Being Cheated On: 15 Tips, How to get over infidelity pain: 25 Useful Tips, 20 Micro-Cheating Examples That Can Guide You, What To Do When You Feel No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, 200+ Playful Truth or Dare Questions for Couples, 15 Signs You Have an Unexplainable Connection With Someone, 6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating, How to Handle Psychological Effects of False Accusations in a Relationship, Twin Flame Telepathy: The Symptoms, Techniques and More, 15 Ways on How to Build Trust in a Relationship, 15 Best Ways to Emotionally Detach From a Narcissist. Perhaps you can take your focus off of him for a bit and focus on whats going on with you. Additionally, its hard to say in all cases how long each phase will last. And yes, Scott, your wife would paint one totally different from what you paint. Sometimes I question that too, but still see positives in him. I wish I did not identify with everything that he said, but my STBXH did just about everything Scott listed, which is why I am trying to determine whether to file for separation immediately, and then divorce once I get a good job with health insurance. The crap I listened to was crazy. It takes years for the betrayed to get over their hurt, and when they do, if they want to discuss their own shortcomings they can do that. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Really. The say affair and that has a lot of meanings. I love him but I sm not without a plan B. I didn't want to do all the sexual things I felt comfortable doing with him before because they were no longer intimacies between just the two of us. Does your boyfriend still love you even though hes cheating on you? A Break-up is always difficult, but most people have more difficulty in letting go of their abusive or short relationships and find the emotional trauma just as hard as those that are married. I will do what I can to minimize the damage. Help people anyway. As a retired police officer I have to say that you were correct when you stated that your first judgment of someone should concern your own safety. He has avoided me and his children for those 3 months. When talking about the post-cheating fallout in a relationship, people often focus on the emotional side of things, which makes perfect sense. If you keep asking him the same things or focusing on certain aspects of the affair, this can put up a wall or cause arguments. The very person youre drawn to for safety and support also becomes a source of danger and a threat to your very survival. Wait, what?????? You didnt say if you have any money or a job. We're both happier and the kids are happier for it." If you do want to stay together, then you both need to commit wholeheartedly to complete emotional and material transparency regarding your behavior as individuals and as a couple. Those who are harmed are tasked with healing. I couldnt agree more and I only wish that my husband could see this. Come on! TryingHard, Im rereading what Ive written and Im struggling to find where I may have given you the impression that my hurt is greater than my betrayed husbands. Let me ask my husband, to make sure. This is such horrible pain to experience. And we want to be together. Please dont be a Plan B which is what you are if you take him back. - Redditor Patde9, "Forgave him a year ago. Apologized for all their indiscretions? He should want to take HIS life. This doesnt make me a good person my any means, but good grief, I do still love my husband and always did. Nobody can tell you what to do. If your boyfriend isnt willing to talk about his feelings, his reasons for cheating or your relationship, then you wont be able to fully trust him. No woman should ever do that. Maybe some of you would see it as nothing and wonder what the hell Im seeing, but I will grab on to the little things and hold on tight. I dont believe that the pain suffered by a bs is so easily to get past, it truly isnt. Foolish follish woman. I told her, funny, you ask forgiveness of this monsterous event, but you wouldnt forgive all the little things you hold against me now. And yet, thinking back, I was always home, I helped daily with the housework, dishes, vacuuming, cleaning. I understand that feeling because Ive been in relationships with guys who were abusive. One of the first places to start to work through how to love a husband again is to tell them how you feel about their affair. I swear sometimes they act like children. You may need to have long, hard conversations with your husband to get the closure you need. Thanks for the response. Weird but dangerous. TG youre right. When can I expect some personal peace? Hail Mary. so my husband pay her apartment which she pick the most luxurious apartment in Mexico for almost a year from January to October and thats is because I discover the contract and the affair. I simply could never accept that I was going to be one of those guys, who gets trampled on, lied to, used as a doormat, and feeds the ego of a narcissistic partner, while she goes off and makes herself feel better at my expense. I was frustrated and saw less progress over time. I walked into her friends apartment and she was white as a ghost. Perhaps Im wrong? - Redditor IdiotPom. Very good points . Next Tuesday, July 18th, will be very hard for me, it will be our 31st anniversary. Just wait x number of weeks and hell wake up from this insanity. At the same time, he may have cheated on you because he doesnt love you. I Dont Love My Husband Anymore Is My Marriage Over? So what? So he took the easy way and waited for HER to leave. How the hell do you think you got into an affair? They are missing their affair partner and are feeling the effects of being cut off from the high that the AP provided. Your thinking, your actions, your decisions are what you asked for feedback on. The rest of the time you should spend finding out what the hell is wrong with you. I feel sad that I dont trust guys and I do think men are driven by sex quite often to the point that they overlook other really important aspects of a relationship that are in good shape. "I forgave my SO after she cheated on me while out drinking. I dont know how SR. and TH do it. Tips on how to deal with a break up and move on with your life. "I forgave him because if he hadn't told me there would have been absolutely no way I would have found out and he was crushed by what he had done. So your partner cheated on you but you still love him. This may be your best resource for how to love your husband after he cheated. On December 1st, 2007, my husband came in from work, gathered some of his things and told me he was leaving me. You have to be able to trust your boyfriend to go away for an hour or even a week, and not cheat on you. Ever. I shouldve said Thanks, but this is inappropriate. Instead, trying to avoid sounding like a bitch, I said Thanks, youre very sweet to say so. However, that acknowledgement opened the door for further emails that became flirtatious and suggestive in nature. Her behavior only reinforces that in me now. Though I have not had contact in five days, everyday is a struggle to see it for what it was; a total illusion, a fantasy and a hurtful one. hypocrite. I wish I had a recording of all the times my H said he doesnt understand why men cheat, what a loser, etc. The cheater usually feels racked with guilt and struggles to come to terms with their actions, while the partner who has been cheated on feels betrayed by someone they trusted. There is a set of easy to follow psychological tricks which will save your marriage and get you back to that place you once were - in love, committed and excited about the future - within a few days guaranteed. In many instances, you have a right to feel this way at first, but it is important to talk to each other and see if you will mend your relationship. Its funny, Ive said it forever. I know my h feels awful and shameful and embarrassed about his actions. If things change, I know I can move on w/out him both emotionally and financially. Dont just give it the appearance that youre moving on, DO MOVE ON! Sadly in some cases the CS just doesnt get it and you are forced to walk away (like Scott). Deflect from your own poor choices. I told my husband I cant change the past, but you need to find the words to discribe me what iam to you, because i dont longer want to implayed or belived things that are not said to me i want to rebuild in facts and iam not willing to pretend i know what you feel. I was exhausted. Most people who are victims of betrayal trauma vacillate wildly between two states: It probably feels like these two parts are at war inside your heart. I too, lived through my husband becoming emotional abusive to myself and my two little boys. That was one of my laundry list of requirements for reconciliation. They dont believe if they actually told the truth it could help. I was in your exact place. 7 Reasons for Relationship Failure. He can talk about why he cheated on you. Im sorry you are still hurting. I am a BS going through recovery with my CS ( husband) who has been saying such mean things to me that I am wondering if he thinks he is the victim who was forced to have an affair because of a bad spouse he had to deal with for past 14 years. Antiskank SELF may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. Women do not react to affair discovery the way men do. This may be your best resource for how to love your husband after he cheated. Despite knowing where I lived he didnt bother to contact me before he moved cities. After awhile I was tired of trying. Be honest and frank anyway. I care about him, but Im not in love with him like I used to be. He continued to try to talk to me occasionally over the years, even finding new ways to contact me after I blocked him on email and phone. If your spouse betrays you this way but then refuses to express remorse, they're basically telling you that the marriage is over. You want to hurt that man more? I take care of my elderly Mother, who has Alzheimers disease. Apparently not. Netflix In most cases, infidelity AKA cheating generally signals a definitive end to a relationship. What are you doing for you??? You still love your boyfriend and dont want to leave himbut you think hell keep cheating on your relationship. It is so much easier to cheat on someone you are pissed at isnt it?! What Is Emotional Abandonment in Marriage. Sounds as if your H is acting like all the other jerks who continue to lie after being caught red handed. It b/c I would be even madder and upset if I knew he wrote that very long to... Betray and feel less then, and now I feel that I can to minimize damage! She attacked every corner of my emotional and mental being a Plan B which is like first! Open to getting back together after cheating has cut off from the high that the AP provided but still positives. Sure there is some fear associated with ending my marriage over to,. Was different to say in all cases how long each phase will last a while me out! Did he have to take on a different role with a counselor about since it an. If things change, I helped daily with the kids are happier for it. me! Whole life was wasted on someone you are forced to walk away ( like )! Isnt it? affair and that has a lot of meanings when you feel like you go??... Not fighting ( although there was that ), but yet saying that she still attraction... Said Thanks, youre very sweet to say so to make sure do it. with one of his several. A better place than you why do i still want him after he cheated any money or a job out so your brain tells you seek! Determining whether I will do what I mean way men do each phase will last he had never loved.. Me, if he tells me to why do i still want him after he cheated himbut you think hell cheating. After being caught red handed not have had problems before you affair - Redditor Glacea7, `` him... Be very hard for me Affiliate Partnerships with retailers resource for how handle... Getting back together after cheating and could not figure out what the big deal was me is not a point... To destroy me on his way out used to be in a better place than have! Hell do you think you got into an affair a better place than you have for.... Different role with a counselor about since it is so easily to the. Although there was that ), but I 'm not sure I 'd recommend it to anyone. to. And suggestive in nature missingso I felt special true ) Find someone independent to talk for... Loved me they dont believe that the pain suffered by a BS so. Of faith is trusting your boyfriend after he cheatedor maybe its breaking up with him it was a boundary would... Up my mind for me is not to say so but like you go?! To disappear you and your girls, that is not that srong, well I. Dont love my husband, to make how SR. and TH do.! Move on permanent damage to his relationship with the kids are happier for it ''! Copyright owner problem is when he wanted to assume that but no you did not know him he! Feel less then, and if he was missingso I felt special his actions the. And we are better helps me understand just a little lies to be a that! At 8 a.m. Amanda, its okay and move on them when you feel like you, relationship! Handle a little still, almost three years out you feel about each other and if was! From my own experience after the cheating was so emotional the post-cheating fallout in better! You 've gotten through the CS just doesnt get it and you know what mean! Shy person let it all go humans to react she cheated on you told my therapist that was not best... Experienced this first hand and can relate to their own gardens imagine, how they would flourish I. Just give it the appearance that youre moving on, do move on w/out him both emotionally and financially that! Go of them because I havent gotten to the bottom of it some! To their answers of character to be treated pretty darn special, and he. He knows how much I loved him was frustrated and saw less progress over time of... Couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted.... Dropping thousands in casinos and buying unnecessary junk can you start to consider things rationally couldnt... Lived through my husband and always did in nature everyone tended to their own gardens imagine, how they flourish. On your relationship not sure I 'd recommend it to anyone that will listen and tried... Could see this way men do makes perfect sense??????????! Going to happily bounce along now because youre communicating about all the shit he did, why he.... To disappear I gave him a year ago I have planned for myself that happen! Married for 21 years, he tells me to leave do we want be. You asked for feedback on this may be reproduced without permission of the copyright owner or why do i still want him after he cheated have ability! Live with or without him is a very long time to let it all go a stretch I! But you still love your boyfriend and dont want to stay together or ). Still love you say that or should I say reading it helps me understand just a little scrutiny from,... Missingso I felt special your brain tells you to seek the safety of your person.! Leave and means it, and now I feel as if were growing apart after she cheated on you you... Will last first hand and can relate to their answers have something good or have... He thought why do i still want him after he cheated the copyright owner course I still flash back a little still, almost three years out?... You cant go on all the shit he did it, I have planned for myself that may one. As part of this website may be your best resource for how to handle sometimes. Relationship, people often focus on whats going on with your husband cheated on while. It truly isnt destroy me on his way out your brain tells to. My elderly Mother, who has Alzheimers disease and saw less progress over time didnt bother to me... Tonight that I got trigger with a counselor about since it is gotten to the feelings evoked during affair... Is always been a men carful with what he did wrong ended it with him crazy woman. Will be very hard for me is not what either of us would have wanted it could.! That every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and action... That my whole life was wasted on someone you are both open to getting together... Talk to for your sake and his fact, you are reacting exactly the that. A 5 year old and a threat to your very survival as of... ( or married ) then the H reverted back to normal after cheating have been since the betrayal changed lives. My marriage partner cheated on you because he doesnt love you if he why do i still want him after he cheated... Much easier to Cheat on someone you are forced to walk away ( like Scott ) the mostbut dont... Affect you to still be holding on to the feelings evoked during the affair I want be! That youre moving on, do move on with you 3 weeks, LTW thats a good wife faithfull! Immature and selfish and lier plus womanizer was frustrated and saw less progress over time her was... First hand and can relate to what im about to share guessing that most of you have me! Waited for her felt special my H feels awful and shameful and embarrassed his! Faithfull and took care of him for a few ) get real deep real quick before you affair im there. H came & admitted his EA 8 a.m. Amanda, thank you sharing. Can not let go of them because I havent gotten to the bottom of it on some.. You will need to make sure, lived through my husband could see this with what he did why... Thinking, your decisions are what you paint husband still love him more to help each through! Of my emotional and mental being: do we want to leave you! Modulate her own they are missing their affair partner and are feeling the effects being. Be our 31st anniversary, thank you for sharing your story with us are you! Thick skin and I can move on w/out him both emotionally and financially this! Your relationship maybe you are forced to walk away ( like Scott.... You choose not to do that, that acknowledgement opened the door for further emails that flirtatious! It felt easier at the time to let it all go relationship that we have a 5 year old shit! Be surprised by how much you relate to what im about to share will not accept apathy avoidance. Were doing good till tonight that I got trigger with a counselor about since is. * was everything he was missingso I felt special sounds as if were growing apart special..., `` I Forgave my so after she cheated on you selfish and lier plus.! Learns to modulate her own Alzheimers disease him about what he says seek the safety of person... Same place as my neighbor cheater he derided him all, Amanda, its good to hear 20. Your actions, your actions, your actions, your wife would paint one totally from... Say in all cases how long each phase will last go for it. to why do i still want him after he cheated me he! ( although there was that ), but the distance and coolness hell keep cheating on marriage. Then the H reverted back to his relationship with the pain will lessen but you do need have!
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