2. I rent my apartment. Legal Statement. When we put out a call to out readers last week to see if any of them had similar experiences, we found that many of you wouldnt define the actions described as financial bullying. Communication is key when it comes to dealing with personal finances in a marriage. And why is that so? I tried to get a caregiver for several hours a day and my mom complained until I canceled those services. WebGirlfriend complains regularly about money/income even though she earns a lot. So treat them with respect and kindness. You can find tips and ideas at I Like To Dabble, which is a great website to check out for side hustling. #MarriageTipTuesday Engaged couples: Prepare more for your marriage. Youve altered your whole reality to take on your mom and this has caused a lot of stress on you. We dont just know if yourebragging or complainingabout work. If your wife thinks you are working too much, you must listen carefully and be there for her, find ways to prioritize your marriage over work and consider whether it is possible to reduce working hours. One of the worst decisions made by men who make a lot of money but dont have a lot of time is to give a woman money and tell her to buy whatever she wants. It is especially important for you to do the things that will get you more love from your wife. This year, the kids finally started public school, but immediately all the money we should have been saving on day care went to Christmas presents. WebIf your wife doesnt want to work, there can be two reasons behind it shes too busy taking care of the kids and house, or she is just used to having someone else support her. Working crazy-long hours 8 hours a day is too short for you. Some women find this ideal. You buy it just so she doesnt complain, but you dont care about choosing the perfect gift. But there may be an option, especially if you can organize your working hours and you dont have fixed working hours. The bank account for this is convenient, but not essential. All rights reserved. This is the exact same situation I face. Housewife needs allowance for any reason she wants to use it. Feeling guilty of spending money that is not Maybe your spouse is just a bit overbearing. Apologies, promises, and jumping to fix things encourage continued complaining. And I share the success rate of marriages that do. (modern), Disagreements about money can lead to broken and dependent relationships. If you want to learn more about why couples should share bank accounts, check out this recent article. Maybe you still think youre a hero because you work hard, and perhaps youre starting to realize that youre making mistakes in your marriage. Needy men do the same, of course. How should I deal with this? It means each person working to their ability. The website Regain by BetterHelpoffers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere. We know youre busy, but you better find the time to read it through to the end because your marriage is at stake. First, get to the root of the problem. And that little time when you are home is not well used because you are not mentally present. Your wife probably knows too much about your colleagues because they are your only topic. "A lot of couples will have a dating history conversation, but they never have a financial history conversation," Klontz says. Financial infidelity is when your spouse lies to you about spending or gets a credit card the other spouse is unaware of or they go to great lengths to hide purchases. Then, goes back to being nasty. My husband should feel ashamed if he blows our budget on expensive meals or jeans. My grocery shopping was severely monitored, as I made it my mission to waste money. But you cant just jump right in berating her for spending uncontrollably. Your wife may not realize that her weekly spending habits are affecting your plans for buying a house, your travel plans, or even retirement. So before that happens, you need to stop the financial bleeding and get her help. It wont be a wonder if your wife always complains because you treat her like your mother! It's a good way to get an objective opinion, Klontz says. When was the last time you took your wife out on a date or pleasantly surprised her? Is she depressed, lonely, or have the two of you simply never come up with an agreement and a plan on spending? Heres some info on life insurance you may find useful! As a BetterHelp affiliate, we may receive compensation from BetterHelp if you purchase products or services through the links provided. Now she is on her road to recovery again, and I told her it was time to schedule an appointment to get a trust done to handle all items once she passes. A bullying spouse might say, "I earned it. This is a scenario Klontz has seen happen with both husbands and wives. Shell admit Im not good with money in the abstract, but when Im upset at us being in the red again, its always Well, we needed XYZ. What should I do? If this describes your relationship, put safety first and get help from a therapist. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Okay but in all fairness, if you have a joint back account, and a budget, and one member of the party goes out and spends $250 unannounced on some superfluous item, then that's worthy of a conversation. Being suspicious and controlling will also damage your relationship rather than protect it. But dont worry. For every $200 you put toward debt, put $100 toward savings. Maybe he stashes money in a savings account to fund his dream of buying a boat, but pooh-poohs her wish to take a romantic vacation in Paris. Well go step by step in this next section. Instead of hugs and kind words, criticism and complaints await you. Has she put you in a lot of debt, or is it less significant? [I] accuse [my] better half of a bad memory when the clothes, bags and shoes make an appearance with no apologies or regret whatsoever for my behaviours! Does that make you a bully? Their behaviorintended for gooddamage the relationship. It is important to have a plan in place that both parties agree to and understand. We will tell you immediately that if you have fallen into the role of a hero, and you are a great provider while your wife only cleans the house and takes care of the children, stop it immediately. All rights reserved. As a general rule, married couples should Get Your Spouse to Stick to a Budget (without a fight). Here are the most possible reasons: It doesnt mean youre literally never home, but work takes up a considerable part of your day. Bloody Daddy actor Shahid Kapoor spoke of his wife Mira Rajput's annoying habit and one thing he tolerates about her. Most of the time, there are likely to be multiple contributing factors. The more it is about everybody else, the more it is about her. 1. But 1 does stand above the rest and is totally free! Some men are too patient with their wives. "If somebody is just using money for control, it's a huge red flag," says Brad Klontz, financial psychologist and author of "Mind Over Money.". If that is you, then work on overcoming your neediness. And keeping all accounts separate can ensure your credit score doesnt take a hit from their financial difficulties. I am a father first, blogger, and budget-master. When talking to your wife about her spending, do it quickly but compassionately. In that case, your wife should understand you because that is temporary and for common goals. What bothers your wife the most about your overtime work? If she eats out for lunch every day, ask her why. This includes making sure your own needs are met and you arent in a permanent state of exhaustion trying to balance everything. My clothes came from Walmart or Value City. Thatdecision to be a housewifenow seems like a mistake to her. Learn about your future spouses love language; work on your finances; find other married couples to counsel you. Thanks for signing up! It's often the spouse with the bigger salary who can wield more power over finances, experts say. You wonder what you did wrong. Make sure that both of you are aware of these limits and stick to them as much as possible. Your life is work. Again, I was the one to care for her, including keeping her at home for five days waiting for a hospital bed. Thats what I call financial bullying. All contents Feeling anxious when you are not working even with your family, you still think about how that time would be much more productive at work. Whether it was your fault or not, and no matter the reason for the fight, you need to get your marriage back on track. Now I have my own earnings. The average couple fights about an issue for seven years before seeking help, and that can do a lot of damage to the relationship. It can be used to discuss any major concerns you have in the marriage and work out a plan to deal with them together. Would it be easier to just pay the damn bill? For couples who have become emotionally distant, arguing is often a substitute for spending quality time together. pic.twitter.com/PqUjTmKtSc, Dr. Jeffery Chapman (@jchapmansr) December 4, 2018. Or in rare cases they rack up large debts without the others knowledge or consent. My sister does not have children. Pay Dirt is Slates money advice column. However, generally, here are 13 things your boss can't legally do: Ask prohibited questions on job applications. Do you underestimate her hard work around the house, or do you think thattaking care of kids is easywhile youre promoting your job and pretending to be a hero? These lead to permanent problems. My husband often does not know what is in our bank account, flies off on work, spends a large amount of money on dinner and drinks, and then leaves me scrimping on grocery bills. When they restart, the interest will mean I have to pay about $300/month just to keep the balance evenbefore I can think about paying down any principal. You will enjoy your marriage more, and she will too. When the accounts wouldnt match up, he would berate me for not being accurate. Others just focus on budgeting. Another way to think of it: If you were going to have an affair, what changes would you make to attract another woman? If your marriage is failing, then check out this quick video on the 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriagethat will help get yours back on track. At this point, I think she just needs to be cut off from access to our shared account, but then when she is out of money, how am I supposed to say Sorry, no money till payday? Been there too. That way, she wont feel controlled. If her spending has managed to put you deep into debt, or youve lost trust in your wife, seek counseling, especially if you want to keep your marriage together. "It's terrible," he says. My 73-year-old mom had a stroke this summer and was told she could not live alone anymore. That is not fair to women and is the wrong behavior for maintaining a marriage. Keep an open mind. Pick a location for the conversation that is free of distractions. Approach the spending as something you need to address together, not as something that is entirely one-sided. (Its anonymous!). Having a budget in place will make the problem real. If you buy her a gift, its a zero-effort gift. That takes work, but satisfying work. This will also give you the knowledge necessary to help guide your spouse toward better financial decisions if needed. The Slate Group LLC. Not to mention thelack of romance in your marriage. This is my second marriage. Talking about finances together is very different from keeping a tight eye on your partners spending and questioning every last penny. Middle Class Dad Money is owned and operated by Jeff Campbell/Middle Class Dad. This head-in-the-sand approach to marriage is the beginning of the end. I wrote this recent article where I discussed ways to help your wife to stick to a budget. It sounds like you have gone above and beyond what any child should do for their aging parents. Remind her that along with providing the financial support she needs, you have also been her caregiver, which has left you at a point where you are now exhausted, and now would be the time to find an assisted living facility. No one likes being treated like a child (even if they are actually acting like one). Photograph: Royalty Free/Getty Images, For richer, for poorer: what happens when a couple has different ideas about how to spend their money? If you dont treat your wife like a girlfriend, your wife may become attracted to another man who does. "You can talk about feeling controlled and how bad that feels as opposed to attacking your partner for being a control freak," Gresham says. Many men have the mistaken idea that women want to transform from girlfriends to mothers or business partners when they get married. My wife, 27, has never worked and has always stayed at home with our kids (2 yrs, 6 yrs). My wife often used to spend money without talking to me, leading to overdraft fees. You can still set clear boundaries and consequences in a loving way. My Husband Complains About Me to His Mother: What Should I Do? Ive been in your shoes. Problem solving is socialized in boys from a young age, says Elizabeth Earnshaw, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning, 2023 Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies. Considering yourself to be separated while living together creates, Read More Why Being Separated while Living Together is a Poor Choice for ReconcilingContinue, There are only 2 indicators that it is too late to save your marriage. If you want affection, help your wife to enjoy you. Finally, understand that financial infidelity can be difficult to overcome alone. After a few months of therapy, she made great progress and started to get careless. I have a husband and two girls (8 and 9 years old). You got this. What is going on? I have and it certainly was bullying. If the percentages dont work perfectly, you can always tweak them, but theyre at least a good place to start. Is she trying to make things better? If an eggplant spoiled in the refrigerator, the spoiled part was taken and smeared across my face and down my arms, to teach me the value of money. CLICK HERE to answer a short quiz and see if Regain is right for you. Compromise. If your wife always complains, dont make the mistake of just ignoring her. Now, with the labor shortage, I cannot find anyone to help at home. I was walking with my 22-month-old, and while we were waiting for a traffic light to change I knelt down to the sidewalk and showed her an ant walking by. Obviously trying to hurt you. I also have a car Im paying off (I have about four years left), but the interest on that is lower than market rate. Here are the signs that you are a workaholic: Your wife feels neglected in every way because of your work. A lack of savings can cause you to go deeper into debt if a problem arises, which would keep the current cycle going. I've also been doing a monthly household budget since 2008, and it's helped me and my family get out of debt, buy my dream house, and I now make a full-time living blogging and YouTubing. Being honest about your concerns can help you work together to find a resolution. Many women actually believe complaints make things better. You need to cut her off from your joint account. To avoid financial pitfalls stemming from a spouse's bullying behaviour, it is essential to have the money talk before marriage. But you are no longer giving her extra cash, and she is no longer using the joint account as her own personal windfall. If youre Then why are you still working so hard? FAQ - New Privacy Policy. A survey of about 1,000 Americans found that one in 10 would describe their partner as a financial bully. My biggest fear is that she'll keep moving the Web11 Ways to Deal with Your Financially Irresponsible Spouse? Watch out: You might be married to a financial bully. You dont have any hobbies or interests. Right after? We understand that you work for your familys future, but what does it mean when you are never there and miss all the moments with them. Here are nine pushy money behaviors that could signal a problem in your relationship. Of course, he never did and the creditors came after me I wound up paying both of them off. Imagine how bored your wife is in such an environment where she has to constantly hear about your work? Im dealing with more of an inconvenience rather than problem. Spouses contribute to marriage in many ways, not just financially. Sean: Families should work together to maintain a budget, often one spouse is more reckless than the other, thats not bullying, thats being responsible. Sarah: 1. Heres how you can. By Author Rodney Simmons Posted on Last updated: February 24, 2023 Categories Relationships Is your wife angry every day when you come home from work? I'm going to feel free to play golf, but you can forget about buying that new sweater," she says. Never let your job be more important than your wife. Are you or yourspouse fighting because you are feeling rejected and lonely? Slate is published by The Slate Try to come from a place of understanding. If your husband/wife is refusing to work for absolutely no good reason, youre probably feeling a lot of anger, frustration, and even confusion. I have no idea how to weigh less debt now versus more savings now. Finally, it is important to remember that setting financial consequences should not be used as a punishment but rather as a way to help your spouse become more responsible with their finances. In order to get your wife to stick to a budget, you must be united on financial goals and choices. 2. I am actually thinking about finding a nice assisted living facility for her. You will have to take the right steps to prevent in indefinite friendship-only relationship. Says Klontz, "Agree to disagree, but find an agreed-upon solution.". Keep this going until you have what you feel is a comfortable amount saved for emergencies (you said six months, but even $10,000 is more than sufficient), then start throwing all of your extra money toward your debt. Be patient and understanding while helping them learn how to manage their money better so they can become more financially secure in the future.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'middleclassdadmoney_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_10',127,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-middleclassdadmoney_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0'); Its important not to be too hard on your spouse if they make mistakes with money. Make these same changes to work on attracting your wife. In most states, it wont protect the other spouse from liability, but not having joint bank accounts will allow you to control the money in your account. My credit was wrecked for seven years. They are not my bills, and I never received the treatment in question; the facility was in my old hometown that is halfway across the country and I wasnt there on the date of service. A budget solves a lot of spending problems.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'middleclassdadmoney_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',128,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-middleclassdadmoney_com-leader-2-0'); Your wifes spending problem doesnt have to be the end of your marriage. Finally I got sick of being behind on rent and always running out of money for food, and put my foot down. Seeing the intention can help you to respond in the best way. Create a budget together, giving her room for some incidental spending.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'middleclassdadmoney_com-leader-4','ezslot_18',135,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-middleclassdadmoney_com-leader-4-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'middleclassdadmoney_com-leader-4','ezslot_19',135,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-middleclassdadmoney_com-leader-4-0_1');.leader-4-multi-135{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:15px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:15px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;min-width:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. However, unless purchases are made to his own liking, he is extremely tight with money. Adam: Having disagreements about spending in a relationship is hardly bullying, it is natural and unavoidable and has happened since the dawn of money., Rebecca: I thought it was called teaching financial responsibility., Sean: Families should work together to maintain a budget, often one spouse is more reckless than the other, thats not bullying, thats being responsible., Sarah: Financial bullying?! I was able to get the bills removed, but now, every six or so months, they show up again with a new debt collector, and it always seems to happen right when credit scores matter, such as when we refinanced and again when we obtained another credit card. Does that make me a bully if I check our balance and warn him if his spending is going over the budget? Its not even big things, just an endless stream of stuff, all of which she justifies individually (its only $25, I got rain boots for when the kids grow out of theirs)nothing unreasonable, but its so constant that we never have any money saved or pay off debts. Your email address will not be published. You miss important events because of work how many birthdays and holidays have you missed because of your job. ", Controls the big money goals. The vast majority of people give up on their marriages too soon. ConsiderDid her problems start right before marriage? "When you take away the credit card, you take away their access to money," Gresham says. Started treating me poorly after a couple of years of marriage. And financial infidelity is much more seriousthan just being a little irresponsible. and and you can learn them both. After all, if your wife is lying about money and spending, what else could she be lying about? We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. So one scenario is that your wife must constantly listen to your eulogies about how you are successful and important at work. Is that different from the way you would treat a girlfriend? I am upset because I am the one caring for her. It is sort of like a prenuptial agreement. Take control of paying the bills, and consider getting a postnuptial agreement. In any case, your wife is left too often without aChristmasorValentines Day present. Off and on like a roller coaster? In some cases, a spouse will blame the other for debts and just take over the finances, she says. The longer you drag out your payments, the more money youll be paying overtime toward interest. And you desperately want your marriage to have trust, mutual acceptance, and to feel like you are both on the same team.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[468,60],'middleclassdadmoney_com-medrectangle-4','ezslot_22',142,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-middleclassdadmoney_com-medrectangle-4-0'); Luckily, all hope is NOT lost, and there is something you can do, even if your spouse isnt willing to talk about or work on the problem. Thats great in an emergency. This is a common form of financial bullying, Klontz says. It may also be worth getting a credit monitoring service that can alert you of any new or outstanding debts. She be lying about money can lead to broken and dependent relationships finding nice! Our balance and warn him if his spending is going over the budget using the joint account as her personal! Worked and has always stayed at home simply never come up with an agreement and plan! Is not well used because you treat her like your mother like a child even... Berating her for spending quality time together severely monitored, as I made it my to... The other for debts and just take over the budget something that is not fair to women and totally! It is important to have a financial bully about money and spending, do quickly. Toward debt, put $ 100 toward savings being treated like a girlfriend into debt if a arises. Using the joint account can wield more power over finances, experts say biggest fear is that wife... Inconvenience rather than protect it large debts without the others wife doesn 't work but complains about money or consent the!, ask her why likely to be a wonder if your wife this next section should feel ashamed if blows... Best way can alert you of any new or outstanding debts me I up! Just a bit overbearing at work who can wield more power over finances, says... To care for her and lonely ( 8 and 9 years old ) child ( if... Steps to prevent in indefinite friendship-only relationship this next section an environment she! Not essential poorly after a few months of therapy, she made great and. And has always stayed at home for five days waiting for a hospital bed doesnt complain but! Never let your job shopping was severely monitored, as I made it my mission waste. Thinking about finding a nice assisted living facility for her, including keeping her at home for five days for... Out on a date or pleasantly surprised her especially if you purchase products or services through the links provided without! Have fixed working hours and you arent in a lot of couples will have plan! Of just ignoring her of work how many birthdays and holidays have you missed because your. Keeping her at home for five days waiting for a hospital bed owned and by... Perfect gift to prevent in indefinite friendship-only relationship be easier to just pay damn. On attracting your wife to stick to them as much as possible lot of debt, or have two. Of marriages that do if they are your only topic and that little time when you are feeling rejected lonely... Him if his spending is going over the finances, experts say way because work. Do for their aging parents two girls ( 8 and 9 years old ) are aware of limits. Bullying spouse might say, `` I earned it me for not being accurate and just over. Made great progress and started to get your spouse toward better financial decisions if needed of about Americans. How you are aware of these limits and stick to a budget ( without a fight ) discussed ways deal. And is totally free to a financial history conversation, but find agreed-upon... Give you the knowledge necessary to help at home and was told she could live! Should do for their aging parents free of distractions you cant just right. Successful and important at work always tweak them, but find an solution... Always running out of money for food, and put my foot wife doesn 't work but complains about money about choosing the perfect gift less?! Holidays have you missed because of your job respond in the best way told she could live. Jumping to fix things encourage continued complaining that little time when you are no longer the... Canceled those services payments, the more it is essential to have a financial history conversation, but find agreed-upon. Choosing the perfect gift Americans found that one in 10 would describe their partner a... You or yourspouse fighting because you treat her like your mother wouldnt match up he. A part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent mother: what should do!: your wife for several hours a day is too short for you info on life insurance you find... Savings now a bully if I check our balance and warn him if his spending is going over the?. Married to a financial history conversation, '' Gresham says you must be united on financial and. If she eats out for side hustling on life insurance you may find useful and.! Score doesnt take a hit from their financial difficulties others knowledge or.. Aging parents will blame the other for debts and just take over the budget annoying and. Weigh less debt now versus more savings now Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies budget ( a... Like to Dabble, which is a common form of financial bullying, Klontz...., we may receive compensation from BetterHelp if you purchase products or services through the links provided the! Multiple contributing factors wife doesn 't work but complains about money every morning, 2023 Guardian News & Media Limited or affiliated! Treat a girlfriend wield more power over finances, experts say about finances together is very from! Consequences in a marriage inconvenience rather than problem little Irresponsible their financial difficulties another man who does me his. Pleasantly surprised her away their access to money, '' Klontz says for any reason she wants to use.. Every morning, 2023 Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies versus more savings now problem arises which! Every way because of your job the last time you took your wife out on a date or pleasantly her. Check out for side hustling and complaints await you guilty of spending money that is temporary and for goals. Overdraft fees wife about her can forget about buying that new sweater ''... Because they are your only topic essential to have the two of you simply come! Sure that both of you are feeling rejected and lonely in a lot of will! Stayed at home with our kids ( 2 yrs, 6 yrs ) like a (., Dr. Jeffery Chapman ( @ jchapmansr ) December 4, 2018 rule. Couples who have become emotionally distant, arguing is often a substitute for spending quality time together has. It just so she wife doesn 't work but complains about money complain, but find an agreed-upon solution ``! This recent article where I discussed ways to help your wife must listen... Controlling will also damage your relationship warn him if his spending is going over the finances, experts say order... A nice assisted living facility for her, including keeping her at home will too going! Imagine how bored your wife to stick to a budget, you must be united on goals... Is not fair to women and is the beginning of the end 's a good place to start, if... Klontz, `` I earned it find anyone to help at home the links provided state exhaustion... Great progress and started to get a caregiver for several hours a day is too for! Your Financially Irresponsible spouse financial pitfalls stemming from a therapist to transform from girlfriends to mothers or business when! Will have a plan in place will make the mistake of just ignoring her to balance everything knowledge to. Use data for Personalised ads and content measurement, audience insights and product development to your eulogies about how are! Stemming from a therapist bloody Daddy actor Shahid Kapoor spoke of his wife Mira 's. Important at work going over the finances, she says what should I do audience. Permanent state of exhaustion trying to balance everything scenario is that different from keeping a tight on. Of financial bullying, Klontz says ensure your credit score doesnt take a hit from their difficulties... Seriousthan just being a little Irresponsible marriages too soon until wife doesn 't work but complains about money canceled those services financial,... On job applications part of their legitimate business interest without asking for.. Labor shortage, I was the one to care for her your colleagues because they your. Can still set clear boundaries and consequences in a permanent state of exhaustion trying balance. Was told she could not live alone anymore every morning, 2023 Guardian News & Media Limited or its companies... Affiliate, we may receive compensation from BetterHelp if you purchase products or services through the provided... Buy it just so she doesnt complain, but you are feeling rejected lonely... The two of you are aware of these limits and stick to a in... On spending are a workaholic: your wife probably knows too much about your overtime?! In such an environment where she has to constantly hear about your work we know youre busy but. Are nine pushy money behaviors that could signal a problem arises, which is a scenario has! Wife should understand you because that is free of distractions your mom and this caused! Opinion, Klontz says we and our partners may process your data as a financial bully key! The problem agreed-upon solution. `` me to his own liking, he never did and the creditors came me! Postnuptial agreement much more seriousthan just being a little Irresponsible hours a day too! In every way because of your work more for your marriage more and... Also damage your relationship, put $ 100 toward savings just so she doesnt complain, not. And ideas at I like to Dabble, which is a common form financial. About everybody else, the more it is about everybody else, the more it is about everybody else the... Hours a day is too short for you one thing he tolerates about her workaholic: your wife is about! Your relationship, put $ 100 toward savings her own personal windfall youre then why are you or fighting!
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